Stargates and Hospitals! Apples and Oranges?
by Alia el Bolock
Summary: "Love and Happiness. Death and Danger. It's all the same wether it's a million light years from home or just around the corner." That's what Jack and Sam learn from meeting Seattle Grace's Dr Derek Shepherd and Dr Meredith Grey. /GREY'S ANATOMY crossover
1. Restaurants

Ok so this is my first attempt at a crossover and my first attempt at a medical-focused fic. You should understand and be able to follow even if you don't really know grey's anatomy but it'll sure give it an extra something if you do. I'd really appreciate any suggestions, corrections, wishes and opinions. Basically any feedback is hugely welcomed and appreciated. I'll try to update as regularly as possible.  
This is for my friends Fido and Mira, who are huge Grey's Anatomy fans and watch Stargate SG-1 to be supportive. I bet they'll appreciate the crossover, as we adore McDreamy and O'Neill (for their own good). Also great thanks to Fido for proofreading, suggesting and bearing with me when I am all fanfictioney on her... So Please let me know what you think and hope you enjoy it... ... ... ...

1. Restaurants

RESTAURANT

An italian restaurant.

The smell of pizza filled their nostrils.

The sound of music danced inside their heads.

The distinct aroma of italian pasta consumed the atmosphere.

But it wasn't the only entity that lingered in the atmosphere of that restaurant.

What was even more distinct than the delicious smells and romantic music was the awkwardness hovering above their table: former SG-1's table.

All of them exchanged worried glances. All of them that is except for the only female in the team.

She hadn't been herself all day long.

Now, she was evading their worried looks.

She was bent over her menu, acting innocent.

Someone had to break the silence.

"So it's a nice place." Daniel said looking at the two en, urging them to act naturally.

"Ya sure you betcha!" Jack emphasized in his usual mannerism hoping to elicit a reaction from his 2IC.

This was their thing, their code.

He lingered with his enthusiastic grin for a few seconds before realizing that he wasn't getting any response.

He let the menu fall down on the table in defeat. 'I sure don't know what's going on, so you be my guests.'

Teal'c took the hint in Jack's eyes "Colonel Carter I sense there's something bothering you." Teal'c asked straightforwardly.

"Huh, " Sam looked up at the mention of her name and removed her hands from the back of her neck. "Oh, um, it's nothing, it's just this headache that won't seem to leave me alone." 'And the ringing in my ears and these spots that are dancing in front of my eyes' but this she left unsaid, she didn't want to worry them any more than they already were.

"Again?" Jack asked in a voice that didn't show wether he was angry or concerned, then turned questioningly towards Daniel. Daniel hadn't told him it was that bad.

Daniel just looked at him before turning to Sam "You've been having them a lot lately. Did you have Carolyn check you?"

"Um, yeah sure. She thinks it's just fatigue. And that's what we're here for aren't we? To unwind and relax." she laughed nervously while looking at her boys.

"We sure are Carter, we sure are. And for the fishing and the ferryboats. I have a thing for ferryboats."

"So you keep on saying." she replies forgetting her discomfort for a second.

"It's true." he grinned.

"You ready for your orders?" the friendly waiter asked.

"Yeah sure." Jack replied after looking at his friends for confirmation. He didn't know why they even bothered looking at the menus, when their orders where always the same. If it's italian, Sam orders lasagna, Daniel and Teal'c order pizza and he orders spaghetti. If it's a steakhouse they all order their steaks the same. If it's chinese it's two combo 4 and two combo 5, dumplings and fortune cookies.

"Sir, you're orders." the waiter reminded him expectantly. He had forgotten she was there.

"Oh yeah sure. We'll have a veggie lasagna, two supreme pizza's and a spaghetti."

Before the waiter could ask them what they wanted to drink Jack intercepted him "With 3 beers and a ginger ale for my fellow there." Jack smiled while gesturing towards Teal'c, who just raised his eyebrow in response.

After the waiter was gone, an involuntary groan of pain escaped Sam's lips and she held on tightly to her chair as if it was the only thing keeping her from falling.

"Carter, you sure you're ok?" Jack was now clearly concerned.

"It's ok sir. It's just the headache. Nothing an aspirin and cold beer can't fix."

"Hopefully." They all sounded less than convinced but knew better than to further argue with her.

She's been acting weird lately. She was kinda off. Like sometimes she wasn't Carter, just for a few seconds at a time, no longer, but they all felt it. Though they didn't discuss it with each other, didn't acknowledge it, they all knew it was there.

….

The rest of the meal went on with no further complications.

There was laughter, teasing and tomato sauce spattering all over them and the table due to a very messy general.

There was music and humming due to alcohol.

And there was a remarkable couple that sat on the table next to them.

A couple that caught Jack's eyes.

A couple that also caught Sam's eyes.

Each separately.

A couple they both envied deep down without really admitting why to themselves.

And there was a second of hope and admiration due to this couple.

There was a spark between two pairs of eyes.

Brief yet electric.

…

HOTEL

"So we'll meet in the lobby at 2000 to visit the Space-needle."

"We're on a vacation Jack. You'll still use Air Force timing." Daniel reminded not wanting this vacation to have anything to do with work, except the fact that it's with his former and partly current work team. But they were family too so that didn't exactly break the rules.

Jack just rolled his eyes at Daniel, before they all dissipated heading towards their rooms.

* * *

So let me know what you think...


	2. Space Needles

2. SpaceNeedles

IN FRONT OF THE SPACE NEEDLE

Pouring rain harshly meeting with concrete floors.

Wind blowing through their jackets as if they were non-existent.

But still contempt smiles on their faces as that friendly stranger takes their picture.

After having said cheese they were ready to go up to see one of the touristic sights of the city they were visiting.

"Just think, after we finish this, we'll have the rest of the weekend, the whole weekend, free for fishing and ferryboat riding." Jack grinned.

"You do realize that ferryboats are a means of transportation. Sir. Not an activity on its own." Sam reminded with a smile.

"First of all drop the sir Carter, we're on vacation for crayon' out loud. And secondly ferryboat riding is very much an activity. It's fun and relaxing. And there's water all around." his grin grew wider if that was even possible.

Sam was smiling before she felt a wave of dizziness wash over her body. Her body faltered beneath her and she could barely stand up.

"Whoa." Jack's arms were immediately under hers to support her.

It lasted a second and then the wave was over. It was far gone only it's ripples giving a hint to its past existence.

Jack felt her body grow strong again under his grip. She was standing on her own again.

The three men were just staring at her, waiting for some explanation.

"It's nothing. I'm ok. I just felt lightheaded."

"Maybe we should call it a day. We can do this tomorrow."

"Jack's right. It's been a long day."

"I concur. We all need to rest."

"No. I'm fine."

When her eyes met their doubtful looks she repeated more convincingly while removing her hand from where it was massaging her stiff neck "I really am. We're going up this building to watch the city and tomorrow we're riding the ferry till we get seasick." she smiled faintly in Jack's direction. The word 'seasick' leaving her mouth caused a wave of nausea to wash over her but she managed to hide it from her friends.

They were hesitant but followed her as she was already at the entrance.

'Damn it! Get it together Carter. What the hell is going on with you? You're a seasoned Air Force Colonel and this is probably just a stupid cold. Get it together! They're already overly worried as is, no need to make a scene. You're not having another one of those dizzy spells for the rest of the week.' she ordered herself like she did so many times on various occasions, before.

….

OBSERVATION DECK

Ears popping from the sudden change in pressure.

Not theirs, but everyone else's.

They are used to this, the other tourists aren't! They can tell.

But what they can't tell is that it happened to Sam, too. Her ears popped.

While riding up that elevator she felt sick to her stomach.

She felt as if she was in a submarine that was diving way deeper than it should have been.

She was about to loose the content of her meal, when the elevator came to a stop and she managed to restrain herself.

She felt dizzy again so she held on to the handrails of the elevator.

Daniel noticed and looked at her questioningly, careful not to alert Jack or Teal'c cause he knew she'd not want that.

"Whew. That was an abrupt halt." she faked while smiling innocently.

She knew he hadn't bought it and he knew she knew he hadn't bought it but chose to let it go for now.

He'd keep a close eye on her.

The elevator door opens and they're on the deck of the space-needle overlooking the whole city of Seattle.

It's a vast light-filled scenery, like stars on the ground.

"Wow, what a view." Daniel exclaimed.

"Indeed."

"I remember when my dad used to take me and Mark up here." Sam's head was full of memories that added to the headache she was feeling but she didn't show it.

"You've been to Seattle before?" Jack was surprised.

"Yeah. We used to come here before... when I was younger."

Understanding that she meant before her mother died he continued casually to spare her the awkwardness "I've never been to Seattle. Too much rain for my taste."

"It's nice. I love it here." she was looking straight into his eyes.

"I'm starting to do too." Jack said it in a manner that made her feel he was no longer talking about the city and at this moment in time, he wasn't.

This has been happening a lot lately. In the infrequent occasions where they met after he'd moved to Washington, this has been happening a lot. They allowed themselves to remain lost in each others eyes for a moment longer than was previously permitted. They allowed themselves to steal a quick glance here and there without looking around to see who's watching. They allowed their skin to touch 'accidentally' more frequently than the previously did. They simple allowed themselves a little more than they had before. They were still in the closet concerning the world and concerning themselves, but the door was not completely closed as it had been before, it was ajar.

Maybe it was because they were no longer directly in the same chain of command. Maybe it was because they missed each other so much that they couldn't restrain themselves when they finally got to meet. And maybe they've just had enough. Maybe, just maybe their feelings were so overwhelming that they could no longer keep them bottled up.

He was lost inside her eyes and she was lost inside his.

Daniel and Teal'c noticed. They always did. Which was good 'cause that told them when they should give the two hearts -hidden inside soldier facades- some space.

…..

ENTRANCE OF THE SPACE NEEDLE

"Carter?" he called out for the hundredth time while rubbing her forehead and cheeks "Carter you hear me?"

His face was pale. So was Daniel's and probably Teal'cs not that you could tell from his complexion.

"Sam!"

Her eyes started to flutter open and she looked utterly confused.

"Hey, there sleepyhead." Jack was relieved.

"Wha… What's going on?" she asked hoarsely.

"You blacked out." Daniel explained.

"No I didn't."

"Yes you did." Jack argued causing her to face him instead of Daniel.

"Didn't."

"Did."

"I'm afraid O'Neill is right."

"He's not."

"I am!"

"No you're not."

"Yes I…." he stopped mid sentence "…usually I have this conversation with Daniel." he realized confusedly.

This left them all baffled.

"Well I'm fine now." Sam complained after sitting up.

"The hell you are. We're going home Carter."

"But…."

"No buts Carter. We're going home you're gonna rest and tomorrow is a new day. Tomorrow there'll be ferryboats."

"He's right Sam. It's probably just fatigue. You need to rest. And if you're not feeling better by tomorrow we'll call Carol."

Defeated, Sam followed them outside to take a cab to the hotel.

Tomorrow is a new day.

Ferryboats.


	3. Ferryboats

3. Ferryboats

ON THE FERRY

Fresh air washing across their faces and into their lungs.

The smell of the sea filling them up inside.

Mountains glistening in the distance under the rare sunlight.

The sunlight that was currently reflecting on Sam's blond hair and her sparking blue eyes.

She stood with Jack on the edge of the ferry allowing themselves to be engulfed by the view.

It was their 3rd ride and they were somehow still thrilled as if it were the first.

The same couple from the restaurant was standing next to them.

The same gentle man and the same lovely woman they were both secretly admiring yesterday, stood next to them.

Both Jack and Sam couldn't help but find it a bit of an odd coincidence to run into the same couple twice in 2 days, but none of them mentioned anything to the other, as they weren't sure the other had even noticed the couple the other night at the restaurant.

Both also couldn't fight the slight envy that washed over them as they watched the couple happily hold hands and draw each other closer, only to kiss each other deeply in the plain sight of daylight.

How they'd kill for a chance like that.

A chance to love without boundaries.

A chance to love out loud.

"Ferryboats! I told ya." Jack smiled contently.

"Ferryboats. Who knew?" Sam exclaimed enchanted by the same thing as Jack: presumably ferryboats but actually each other's company.

She was feeling a lot better after having a good night's sleep. "See told ya all you needed was your beauty sleep" the general had greeted as she joined them for breakfast.

"Yep." Jack's shoulder touched with Sam's and they didn't pull away, didn't evade each other's eyes and didn't smile apologetically as if it were accidental. They looked consciously at each other, saying with their eyes what no one could say with a million words. They embraced the touch and the electricity it sent running through their nerves. They smiled from their deepest heart and their eyes danced together under the sunlight. They lived inside the moment and indulged it like it were their last but memorized it as if they would repeat it everyday for the rest of their lives.

Teal'c and Daniel, who had already taken a seat somewhere in the middle of the second ride, presumably tired but actually feeling like the 3rd and 4th wheel, were watching from the deck smiling happily at the scene playing on.

"So you love Seattle huh?" Jack asked looking at the sea.

When Sam didn't answer he turned to face her and found her holding her head in her hands while pressing hard.

"I can't. Make it stop. Make it stop." she screamed.

"What is it Sam? What hurts?" His face was pale with worry.

Teal'c and Daniel saw what was happening and were already on their way. The couple next to them had also interrupted what they were doing at the sound of Sam's screaming.

"My head. Everything. Aghhhhh." she shouted out in agony before starting to fall to the ground.

Jack's immediately extended his arms to keep her from falling, but before he could get a firm grip on her body it started to violently seize.

The man, the same old gentle man from the restaurant, the same old man he was envying a moment ago, caught Sam's body in time to assist Jack in putting her seizing body to the ground.

Jack got to his knees to hold her tightly in order to keep her from hurting herself even more.

Both, the man and the woman, were also kneeling beside Sam in order to render their assistance. Their assistance that was very much needed in this situation; but little did Jack know about this at the time.

"You a doctor sir?" the man asked.

Jack just shook his head while trying to keep his body from racking in compliment to Sam's.

"Let us take over." asked the man, but Jack refused to budge.

"Sir, I'm a neurosurgeon and she's a surgical resident. We can take care of your wife."

Jack hesitantly let go only for the resident to take his place and hold Sam's body.

"Does she suffer from seizures. Had them before?" the surgeon asked.

"No never. She's… she's in perfect health. She's just been having some headaches lately. And yesterday she blacked out but she's been under a lot of stress. We always are"

After two agonizing minutes, a whole 120 seconds her seizure finally stopped.

By then Daniel and Teal'c had arrived.

"Jack! What happened?" Daniel asked in his confused shocked manner then looked at the two doctors handling Sam "Who are they?"

"I'm doctor Derek Shepherd head of Seattle Grace- Mercy West neurosurgery department and this here is my wife Dr Meredith Grey a surgical resident. You're friend is in good hands."

"Derek. We need an ambulance." Meredith called.

"Call 911." Jack yelled at Daniel.

"Tell them to take us to Seattle Grace Mercy West. Tell them you're with me." Derek ordered while he moved closer to Meredith so she continued more quietly "I think she may have some brain damage. One of her pupils is dilated. And her breathing's shallow."

Sam sighed in pain and started to slowly open her eyes.

"She's coming to." Jack announced while moving closer to her and bringing his hand to her cheek. "Hey there. How are you feeling?" he smiled softly into her eyes.

"H…Head.. hurts…"

"It sure does ma'am. You've had quite the seizure. But you're ok now." Derek jumped in to explain to his new found patient.

"S.. seizures?" she looked at Jack confusedly.

"It's ok Carter. You're gonna be ok. You're not getting out of fishing so easily." Jack calmed her down. More with his eyes than with his words, that is.

"Actually, i'd still like to take her to the hospital to run some tests. With her headaches, blackout and sudden seizure, I'd like to be sure before you can go fishing." Derek said.

"I'm fine. There's no…" Sam disagreed.

"Uh, uh, uh, uh. Now what did we say about doctor's orders?" Jack warned.

"But sir I'm…" she started to sit up before she felt the world go round and round and if it weren't for Jacks arms that supported her body and gently lay her back down, she would have severely bumped her head to the ground.

"You were saying?" Jack tried to sound as though he were teasing her but he didn't quite succeed in hiding his concern.

"I'm sorry but we're really going to have to check you up." Derek smiled apologetically "And hopefully we'll be done soon enough for you to get to your fishing. I'd hate to ruin someone's fishing trip."

"Don't we all." Jack agreed.

"Don't worry, we'll take good care of you." Meredith comforted Sam who didn't like the idea of going to a hospital, especially one she didn't know. "I'm Meredith by the way, Doctor Meredith Grey. I'm a surgical resident and this here is Doctor Derek Shepherd, he's one of the best neurosurgeons in the country and he's also my husband." Meredith introduced cheerfully. "You think you can give sitting up another try, but this time slowly."

Sam started to sit up with Jack supporting her from one side and Derek from the other. They positioned her back against the wall and watched her in anticipation of any further dizzy spells. She supported her head on the wall and closed her eyes for a second to unwind from the strain of sitting up. 'What the hell is going on with me' she asked herself. 'Something's not right. Something's definitely not right. I can feel it.'

"So when we get to the dock I'll accompany you with your husband in the ambulance" Derek suggested looking at Jack and Sam before addressing Daniel and Teal'c "And Meredith will get you two to the hospital, behind us."

"Oh she's not…." Jack started to explain.

"She's not his wife." Daniel cut in. Realizing they were probably once again misunderstood, by the look on the doctors eyes, he continued "None of ours. We're… a team. We work together."

"Hmmm." Derek acknowledged not buying the 'we're only a team' business. Something more than a team was definitely going on here, especially concerning that grey haired guy. He saw something in his eyes that he knew all too well.

Meredith was in on it. She and Derek exchanged a knowing look and smiled.

Daniel remembered that they hadn't introduced themselves to the doctors and everyone knows how much Daniel loves introductions.

"Ah I'm Daniel by the way, Doctor Daniel Jackson. And this is General Jack O'Neill of the United States Air Force. Colonel Samantha Carter also Air Force." Derek and Meredith nodded, impressed. "And this is Teal'c."

"Just Teal'c?" Meredith asked 'They all have dozens of syllables attache to their names and he's just Teal'c , he's the biggest of them all for heaven's sake.'

"Just Teal'c." Teal'c exclaimed while raising his eyebrow.

'Whoa, and he's the scariest one too.' Meredith added to herself as the sirens of the ambulance drew closer and the ferry had finally reached the harbor.

"Air force, huh?" Derek asked trying to cover up for Meredith, after seeing how she looked at the scary big guy. "Well Dr"

"Please call me Daniel."

"Daniel, General, Teal'c and the Colonel of course, it's nice meeting you. And it's lucky we decided to take the ferry to work today. See I have a thing for ferryboats." Derek greeted.

"Me too!" Jack would have given him his megawatt grin if he weren't worried to death about Sam but he sure tried, though it didn't quite reach his eyes "I like you! You get to call me Jack."

"And you get to call me Derek." they both smiled at each other "And Jack. She's gonna be fine. It's probably just stress as you said."


	4. Hospitals

4. Hospitals

HOSPITAL ENTRANCE

The ambulance bay doors swing open.

A wave of noise, panic and chatter appears.

The ambulance bay doors swing closed.

Quietness captures the area, its almost peaceful.

They open again.

The smell of hospitals fills their nostrils.

The smell of blood. Trauma. Pain.

They close again.

The smell refuses to escape, it's too familiar for them to let it go no matter how hard they try.

Daniel and Teal'c alongside with Dr Grey arrived almost at the same time that the ambulance arrived.

Jack, Daniel and Teal'c were asked to wait outside Trauma 1 and fill some forms while Derek and Meredith tended to Sam.

After the two doctors were gone Daniel started talking "Jack, what if they do blood tests. What if they find the naquada traces. You know they…"

"Naquada? What naquada?" Jack acted innocently.

"I'm serious Jack this is…."

"And I'm serious, too, Daniel." Jack glared at him "They'll do the check ups and we'll be gone in no time. Then we can have Carolyn check her when we get back home. And no one's gonna find naquada cause no one knows what naqauada is. And neither do we. Got it?"

….….

SAM'S ROOM

After finishing the paperwork they head to see Sam.

"Everything seems to be fine. No indication as to what might have caused the seizures. It's probably just stress, with some rest and fishing you should be fine." he smiled while looking between her and Jack then looked at Daniel and Teal'c.

"I'd just like to get an MRI first ok? Just to be safe." Derek reassured Sam and the three bystanders who all watched him with anticipation.

The three guys nodded but Sam was still not completely following.

"Sir?" Sam looked at Jack, hoping he'd understand what she meant and of course he did. 'What about the naquada in my blood, sir?'

"It's ok Carter" he squeezed her shoulders and gave her a wink 'It's all taken care of, don't you worry.'

"Dr Grey, would you mind taking Colonel Carter down to have an MRI?" he smiled the way he only did when he called her by her formal name in front of their patients. Something about calling her 'Dr Grey', when they weren't fighting or trying to act formal, turned him on, big time.

"Please. call me Sam." Sam said with a tired smile.

"Meredith would you mind taking Sam down to have an MRI?"

Derek repeated with a smile without taking his eyes off the couple in front of him. Sure they claimed they weren't a couple but that didn't mean they weren't, that just meant they weren't acknowledging it to themselves, yet. And he knew a thing or two about denying one's feelings, about trying to convince everyone around you that you have no feelings for someone in hope that you would someday believe it yourself. He also knew that it never worked. It was in vain.

"Sure, Dr Shepherd." Meredith smiled at Derek, the same understanding smile; she enjoyed calling him 'Dr Shepherd', too.

She and Jack helped Sam to the wheelchair. Sam knew better than to try and fight it, so she went along, albeit not too thrilled about being helped to sit on a chair, a chair on which she'll be wheeled in order to get somewhere, as though she'd lost her legs.

Meredith grabbed the handle of the wheelchair and then turned and smiled at Sam's team- as they called themselves- though to her they seemed to be much more than just a team. They seemed to be a family. She recognized it because she had it too. Or at least she'd had it. She'd had a team she considered her family, once. A team that was closer to her than any family she'd even known. But now this team has fallen apart. Only two of the team remained. And though Christina was the most important part of that family to her and though she loved Alex like a brother she still missed Izzy and George. Though she didn't often admit it to herself, she missed them like hell.

Meredith started pushing Sam out of the room.

"Don't be long! The fish sleeps early." Jack told them as they were by the door.

"Yes, sir."

"Carter if you call me sir once again so help me god…." he called loudly after her.

"Sorry. Sir." she teased. Meredith and she shared a laugh about it while leaving the room.

As did Derek and Jack.

Daniel and Teal'c watched in entertainment. If all goes well, this will be more fun than fishing could ever be. Jack and Sam always were. Especially if there are hospitals and no real trauma involved. IF the really were no real trauma, that is!

….

WAITING AREA

"Ok Hank, I'll tell'em. Yeah me too. I will. See ya." Jack hung up the phone.

"That was Landry. He says there's no need to start thinking about transferring Sam as long as it's nothing serious. He need you guys back at the base."

"Uh, uh. We're not leaving." Daniel opposed.

"Indeed."

"Daniel you need to go. I've got it here."

"Jack! I'm not…"

"Daniel." Jack stopped him and looked him directly in the eye. Not like he did when he was teasing, not like he did when they were arguing but like he did when he was serious and sincere. "It's… Vala."

"What? What's wrong with…. What?"

"They don't know yet. Probably something she contracted off world upon visiting her father. It's nothing serious but Landry's sending SG-1 back to that planet. So you need to go. You both do. Sam apparently can't but you two can and you have to."

Daniel was already on the run towards the exit followed by Teal'c "We'll… we'll you know…."

"I know! Just go."

"You'll…"

"Yes I will. Don't worry, Danny. Watch out for him, T, will ya?"

And with that they were gone. And he was left waiting for Carter, alone.

Alone, with his thoughts.

'Hah! Don't worry. I shouldn't worry right? I mean it's nothing. For someone who's survived everything the universe has thrown at her for the past 10 years, a black out and seizure call for no worry. Even if she has headaches. For us not having a headache is what calls for worrying. Plus she hasn't been hurt. Nothing. She's just tired from overexerting herself, as always. I'm gonna have to try again to teach her how to have some down time. Maybe we should plan a get together in the cabin for next weekend. That worked well the one time we actually managed to make it there. I wonder why we didn't repeat it. It was fun. Yes, when all this is over and we finish exploring Seattle, we'll go to the cabin. She's gonna be ok. She's just had her routine check up last month. If something was wrong it would have already been found. I wonder what's taking so long. I'm not good at waiting. Especially not alone.'

Jack was pacing. He always paced in situations like this. He liked to distract himself. So as always he started playing around in things that weren't his to play with: He found a rack with supplies and started to hold out each of them to try and determine what its use was. To his surprise, he was familiar with most of the equipment. Had he really been injured and hospitalized, or in their case infirmarylized, that often? Wow.

"Hey, sir. Please don't touch that." A nurse came from behind him and took the pads he was currently inspecting from him while sending him a scolding look.

He just smiled apologetically at her, waited till she was out of sight and headed towards the crash cart that stood in the middle of the corridor. Playing with the paddles was his favorite infirmary pastime. The way their wires made them swing up and down when you let them out of your hand was just entertaining, just like his yoyo. It's a shame he didn't have his yoyo with him. But thank god for paddles.

"Sir. What are you doing? This is very dangerous. Please stop messing around with the machines. You need some help?" a chinese looking female doctor asked him, not all too friendly.

"I'm waiting on someone actually. She's up for an MRI."

"Oh well then, please wait in the waiting area or in her room. You can't just hang around here, you'll get in the way." the doctor added emotionlessly before she left.

She was gone before Jack could get started on her, so he tried to consume his anger and started to yell internally 'What the hell! What a snob! That…..' This activity went on almost until Sam had returned. Funny how calling someone names and yelling your lungs out, even if only mentally, always turns out to be a very time consuming activity. And a relieving activity, at that!


	5. MRIs

Hope you're enjoying the story so far... Thanx for all those who have reviewed and are following the story, it really means the world to me... and as I said, please feel free to tell me your opinion and any requests or suggestions. This is where the medical talk really starts and I'm far from a doctor so please excuse any medical mistakes and unrealistic stuff, I'm sorry in advance. I've done as much research as I can, so that the stuff iscradible, but please if you notice anything that's off, please tell me. So sit back and read... it's starting to get interesting...

* * *

5. MRIs

TO THE MRI

"So Sam. The Air Force, huh? What do you do there?" Meredith was pushing Sam's wheelchair.

"I'm an Astrophysicist. We work in Deep Space Radar Telemetry."

"Wow an astrophysicist and an Air Force Colonel. Impressive."

Sam smiled sheepishly while blushing. She didn't know why but this Meredith was getting to her. She felt like she's known her forever. She liked her. And somehow that Shepherd doctor, too. They seemed like the perfect couple. She's been admiring them yesterday without knowing their occupation. Yesterday, they were just this ordinary happy couple. This morning they were just this ordinary perfect couple. But now they're this extraordinary working couple with high power careers and still they were the perfect couple. And this gave her hope. This gave her hope on a very personal level. 'That's why I like them.'

"You're a surgeon. Derek is a world-class neurosurgeon from what I hear. AND you are happily married. I'd say that's impressive."

"Oh you have no idea how long it took for us to get there."

"What do you mean."

"I mean Derek and I went back and forth between good and awful times for almost five years before we finally got there. And even then it wasn't all smooth sailing. But somehow we made it through."

"Well, at least five's better than ten." Sam sighed quietly. Although Meredith heard, she decided to let the comment slip.

"That's because he's your Attending, right?"

"At first, but this didn't even last a few months. We had.. bigger problems."

"Bigger than this?" Sam sounded surprised. For her there was no other reason that could keep people together other than the regulations. Everything else was just minor…

"Yes."

Sam turned her head to face Meredith and waited in anticipation for her explanation.

"Some time after we were together, I found out that he was… married."

"What?"

"He'd left his wife to start over, as she'd cheated on him with his best friend. Then he decided to get back with his wife, because it was the right thing to do. After sometime of being miserably separated and with other people and some other drama in-between, he got a divorce. And I broke up with the guy I'd been currently dating. Then we got together before breaking up again etc etc. Well you see what I mean. You see the main problem was actually that I was afraid of a commitment. I've always been dark and twisty inside. Afraid of getting attached to someone, of allowing someone to love me. Of getting hurt." Meredith stopped for a second. "I'm sorry I don't know why I'm telling you all this. I just fell like…."

"… we've known each other for a long time. Yeah me too." Sam completed Meredith's sentence "Thank you for telling me all this. Fear of commitment is…. Well I guess most women suffer from it."

"The important thing is not to let it cripple you and keep you from ever reaching happiness."

"That's what my dad told me… before he died."

"Well maybe you should listen…"

"He died 2 years ago and I'm still trying to muster up the nerve to listen."

"If you don't mind my saying, if regulations, or hiding behind them is the only thing keeping you from being with ge…." Meredith noticed Sam about to object and deny having anything keeping her from anyone she might love, so she decided to continue the not-so-subtle but yet subtle approach "…the one you love, then you're wasting your life away. Believe me I know it's easy to hide behind false excuses, it's easy to be afraid to get hurt but once you've taken that leap of faith, you'll realize that you should have done it earlier. You'll regret the wasted time. You'll regret not being together earlier. I mean I've probably lost my chance to ever have a baby because I was afraid and now I don't know if I'll ever… if we'll ever have one."

"Babies…" 'I don't know if he even wants kids. I mean after Charlie I guess he wouldn't. Hell, I don't even know if he wants to be with me. What the hell am I thinking. He's still my CO. Yes, we're not directly in the same chain of command anymore but still… Damn it Carter get a grip. You're a soldier not a doctor in a hospital. Regulations are everything. They're not an excuse. They're not…. but they are an excuse. Even you're subconscious knew it is. You're supposedly one of the most intelligent people on earth and you are acting dumb enough that even your subconscious mind sees through you. Regulations. What a cruel word.'

"Sam?" Meredith awakened Sam from her internal dialogue "We're there."

"Oh?" Sam had lost track of time.

…..

MRI OBSERVATION ROOM

"Try to hold still. And if you feel any…"

"It's ok, doctors. I know the drill." Sam explained

"Well then. Let's begin."

"So they seem like a nice couple." Derek told his wife without looking up from the monitor.

"Well their not a couple, remember" Meredith reminded him teasingly.

"Oh, please. They're more transparent than we were."

"Imagine, they've been living like this for ten years! Ten years of her calling him sir. Ten years of him giving her orders."

"I'm glad we aren't in the Air Force." Derek admitted before asking the tech to move closer on one part of the image.

"Me too. And I thought Dr Bailey and the Chief were being tough on us" Meredith continued while looking at the screen herself.

"Well I think we're gonna have to thank them after we're done with these two. Maybe we can try to…"

"Already did. I told her our whole story. Tried to preach her a little and I think she might have opened up a bit. I think deep down they both know it, they just can't find a way to admit it." She looked at Sam. She so wished that she could be happy with the guy she loved. Everyone deserved that chance. It was just pity watching them throw their happiness away for some stupid regs.

"Well look at you." Derek looked lovingly at Meredith before giving her a quick peck on the lips "My wife the hopeless romantic. God, what have I done to you."

"You spoiled me, Derek Shepherd."

"I'm glad I did." he kissed her again, this time he held the kiss a bit longer.

"Me too." she smiled but before the smile could fully reach her eyes something on the screen caught them instead "Derek, look."

"Oh god." he frowned

"Derek. She's seizing." And with that Meredith ran towards were Sam lay, with Derek on her feet.

…..

SAM'S ROOM

Sam was already stabilized and back in her bed.

Jack had explained that Daniel and Teal'c had had to head back to the base. He hadn't told her why, as not to worry her.

Derek and Meredith entered the room to give them the diagnosis.

Sam looked them directly in the eyes "So I'm guessing it's not just fatigue!"

"Carter, I'm sure it's…." Jack started to reassure her, not wanting to face the possibility that it might be serious. 'People don't black out, seize twice and have headaches if it's just fatigue. And doctors didn't have this look in their eyes if it was nothing. But I'm not facing this possibility yet. She's fine. She's just fine."

As if reading his mind "Sir, doctors don't look this sympathetic if it's nothing. And seizing twice is usually something." she faced Meredith "Am I right?"

Derek was the one who answered while holding out the MRI

"We found an aneurysm in your brain. Apparently it's slowly bleeding into your brain." Derek explained pointing to the spots on the MRI.

"All your symptoms the chronic headache, the seizures and the blacking out explain your condition."

"The best course of action is surgery to stop the bleeding and to prevent the aneurysm from bursting."

"I can't have an aneurysm." Sam said stupefied.

"Sam I know it can be shocking, but it's good we caught it…." Derek started to comfort her.

"It's not that. I've just had an MRI last month. It's standard procedure to get regular check ups."

"Aneurysms can develop very quickly." Meredith explained.

"Ok then we'll get her to the closest Air Force Hospital and she'll get the operation."

"I'm sorry Jack, I don't think you understand. This aneurysm can burst any second. And even if it doesn't the bleeding can cause permanent damage if it isn't contained."

"Well then let's stop waisting time." Sam said while starting to stand up. A sudden wave of nausea overcame her but she managed to contain it before anyone noticed.

"Sam you can't leave. If we let you go now the aneurysm could burst on the way. It's a simple procedure. I assure you I'm more than qualified…." Derek stopped her by lightly touching her shoulders.

She was starting to see everything double. The whole world was duplicated in her eyes. She looked at Jack trying to signalize the urgency of getting her to a hospital. She told him to finish this discussion. And fast.

In compliance with the silent request, Jack interrupted Derek "We're sure you are doc. It's just we prefer our people to take care of this stuff, it's the regulations." he explained.

"Regulations? It's always regulations for you isn't it?" Meredith was starting to get upset 'Regulations keep them from being with the one they love. Regulations are probably going to kill her. What the hell is wrong with these people?'

"It's ok Meredith. We'll be there in a few hours. And then I can get…." Sam gathered all her will power before she started to explain again. Something wasn't right.

"And I'm telling you ma'am you might not have a few hours. You're lucky enough we found it before it burst. I'm sorry I simply can't discharge you." Derek was barely keeping his temper at bay.

"Well, then I'll leave AMA." Sam started standing up again. And for a second she looked like she was going to vomit all over the place. And for a second she thought she would too. But she contained it in the last minute.

"Carter?" Jack checked.

"I'm fine, sir."

"You sure? You looked like…" Jack wanted to make sure that she's ok. He wanted to make sure that she's really up for leaving. Because if she felt not ok, then screw the regulations. He wanted to make sure she'd hang on till they got to the Air Force Hospital.

"It's ok sir. I'm fine." she cut in. She was back in full military mode now.

She looked into his eyes to show him her determination. To guarantee him that it's all going to be ok. That she's ok.

Even if, in her head, she was seeing him twice, she wanted him to believe that she's ok.

He silently nodded his agreement so she started to get up again.

Before she could fully stand up, she collapsed back on the bed, holding her head while screaming in agony.

"Agh…."

"Carter?" Jack was instantly in front of her looking at her.

She didn't answer. She just held on to her head in pain. She looked like she was being slowly tortured. She looked like one does while being tortured by the pain stick.

"Carter?" Jack tried again, this time putting both his hands on hers, around her head. "Carter? Can you hear me?"

"My head… It's… I've never….." Sam was breaking up.

Derek rushed to her side and passed Jack, sending Jack away from Sam, so he could check on her.

"I'm not gonna tell you anything!" Sam screamed at Derek.

Jack's heart started to twist as his fears were confirmed. She feels like she's being tortured. She's in anguish and he has to stand back and let the doctor do his job. He has to stand by and watch how she relives all the tormenting interrogations, she's ever been through. Her emotional pain was brought on by physical hurt and as much as he didn't like it, he knew that he had to let Derek take care of her; end her pain.

"I don't need you to tell me anything, Sam. I just need to help you." Derek clarified tenderly.

Meredith explained to Jack, believing he was in the dark "She's got an altered mental status. It could mean anything." she reassured him while moving closer to Derek to render her assistance.

Derek brought out his penlight to check Sam's pupils and she jerked back at the meeting of the light with her eyes."No!" she cried out, while trying to get away from Derek. She struggled to get out of his grip.

"She's got a drooping eyelid." Meredith detected not really knowing what to do. She trusted her husband to handle this.

She noticed Jack's anger and pain quickly rise.

Jack just clenched his fist and tried to contain his emotions at the sight of Sam's struggle.

"Let her go doc! You're hurting her!" Jack yelled at Derek "She's feeling threatened let her go!"

"But she'll hurt her…" Derek started to justify his actions as Sam finally succeeded in breaking free.

"No!" Sam repeated while running in Jack's direction. The direction of safety.

Jack mouthed "I got it" to Derek and Meredith. And he really had it! Sam threw herself in his arms.

"Agh… They're coming…" Sam screamed out again while burying her face in Jack's chest. The pain was eating her up.

"No one's coming Sam. No one's here. It's just the doctors remember?" Jack whispered quietly in her ears. "No one's here. You're safe."

She started sobbing in brief agonized breaths. And her whole body started to shiver.

"What's happening?" Jack asked in panic while holding closely onto her. Protecting her in his arms, in the vain attempt to stop her torment.

"What's happening is that her aneurysm probably just burst. That's what's happening." Derek replied.

"Agh…." Sam went on screaming in agony. "Help!"

Meredith addressed Jack while Derek continued trying to assess Sam's condition, without her breaking out of Jack's hug "She's having a sudden more sever headache, she's sensitive to light with a drooping eyelid and an altered mental status. These are all signs of a burst aneurysm. I'm afraid transporting her now is no longer an option." She waited for Jack's confirmation. He nodded in concern. He could feel Sam's body grow weaker between his arms.

"Prep an OR. Now." Derek shouted at Meredith, just as Jack felt Sam's body loose consciousness and its weight fall on his arms.

"She's unconscious!" he informed Derek. 'Yes, he's the one to take care of her. It's up to him now. I can do nothing. I'm losing her.'

Derek rushed to Jack's side, helping him to put Sam's body back on the bed, before he unlocked the bed's brakes and started pushing the bed- with the help of the nurses that had arrived- outside the room. Towards the OR.

Jack just stood there in the empty room and watched as they pushed her away from him.

He watched as the figures disappeared around the corner.


	6. Operations

Sorry that I didn't update yesterday… I'm just so busy these days, but I promise I'm gig to try to update as regularly as I can. Just bare with me please. And as always thanks for your continuous support. Hope you continue to enjoy and review =D

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6. Operations

OPERATION ROOM

"Ok I'm ready to close up." Derek announced

"Derek? What's this?" Meredith asked pointing at something in Sam's exposed brain.

"What the hell?" Derek exclaimed.

"Is that…?"

"Yes. Yes it is. Where the hell did it come from?"

"The MRI only showed one aneurysm."

"Well obviously it showed wrong." Derek was angry "It's in a very bad location. I don't know if…" he tried an approach from the opposite direction "No… If I can just…." he kept on trying to reach it using different approaches.

"Damn it. I can't get it. We need to expose it further so I can reach… Ten blade…"

"I think I can reach it from here." Meredith suggested

"Ok go ahead. Careful, careful. Stop. Stop right there. Now clip it. But be careful not to rupture it."

"Almost there."Meredith said.

But before she had even touched it, the aneurysm ruptured spontaneously.

"Damn it!" she shouted.

"Suction." Derek ordered.

"Damn it, damn it, damn it…." Derek repeated

"You think we got it all." Meredith asked after they'd controlled the bleeding.

"I think so. Why the hell do they go on rupturing like this."

"Is this normal?" Meredith asked concernedly.

"It sure isn't." he replied. "I'll close up! You go update Jack."

….

WAITING ROOM

'An aneurysm? God.' Jack was staring at the ceiling, unbelievingly. 'An aneurysm. After all she's been through, she's having brain surgery from an aneurysm. Why? And it's in her head. Her brain. Her very essence. God I hate waiting. I hate waiting alone. Damn it!' he stood up as he couldn't take the sitting in anticipation any more. He went to the soda machine but decided against having a drink 'I need something stronger than coke, at the moment.' Not that he was gonna get one now of course.

He started pacing. While he turned around for the tenth time he saw the young Dr Grey heading towards him. He rushed towards her with anticipating eyes.

"The surgery is almost over." she started to inform him before they came to a complete halt "There were some complications, we found a second aneurysm that the MRI didn't show and it burst during surgery. But Derek got the bleeding under control. They're closing up now. She should be fine." Meredith smiled reassuringly.

"She'll be fine?" Jack asked not allowing himself to be totally thrilled just yet

"She'll be fine." Meredith nodded, this time with a brighter smile. "We'll just keep her here a couple of days for observation and then you can have your fishing vacation."

"Thank you Doc."

"Please call me Meredith."

"Thank you Meredith."

"You're welcome Jack. If I can call you that."

"You just saved Carter's life." he grinned "You can call me anything you want."

…...

SAM'S ROOM

"Wh… what happened?" Sam asked hoarsely

"Hey. You're up." Jack was instantly by her side looking down at her half opened blue eyes.

"Welcome back Sam." Derek greeted

"Wh…." she started to repeat.

"You had surgery remember?" Jack reminded her.

She looked at them in confusion.

"Your aneurysm ruptured. We had to rush you to the OR to control the bleeding. In there we found a second aneurysm. It ruptured during surgery but we had it under control." Meredith reported.

"You're gonna be fine." Derek reassured.

"They say I can take you fishing in a few days. That's something isn't it?" Jack grinned again. Now that she was fine he could finally grin again, and he couldn't stop.

"A second aneurysm?" Sam asked feeling a bit stronger albeit still groggy.

"Yes. We don't know how we missed it in the first MRI." Derek explained "I checked again and there was no sign of it a few hours ago."

"That's weird." Sam's mind started to work overload "The MRI should have shown the aneurysm. Unless the aneurysm had formed after you took the MRI which is impossible. But then again it would explain the….."

"Carter. Let the doctors do their job." Jack interrupted her before she got to the really complicated part "Excuse her, she can't seem to shut down that precious mind of hers." he said to Derek and Meredith.

"But…." Sam started to complain.

"Carter. They got it. Let them take care of you. At least they're nicer than most of your average Air Force docs. Just Rest."

"Thank you." Derek and Meredith replied before Derek continued "And I assure you Sam, we'll try to figure out what's going on. And Jack's right, you need to rest and we'll do the rest."

"So you'll do a second MRI?" Sam asked.

"Carter." Jack warned."You heard what the doctors said. Geez, you really gotta learn how to relax. Please just rest and get better, that's an order."

"Yes.. sir."

"Carter?" he shot her a look for calling him sir.

"Y.. Yes." she repeated. This time omitting THE word.

The word that made all the difference.

The word that stood in their way.

The word they used as an excuse.

…...

OUTSIDE SAM'S ROOM

"So docs? What's the deal? Will she be fine or not?" Jack asked Meredith and Derek

"We repaired all the damage during surgery and she should be just fine. However, I'm a bit concerned about the fact that we didn't pick up the second aneurysm in the MRI. So I'll set up for a second MRI just to be sure." Derek explained.

"So should I be worried or….?" Jack asked wanting a straight answer. He'd always hated that about doctors. This vagueness.

"There's no need to worry, just yet." Derek replied.

'Of course there isn't. We're SG-1. They're SG-1. The point is, there's always need to worry with SG-1. No matter if it's off world on a simple recon or on earth on a trip, they seem to attract trouble. Where the hell is Karma?' Jack looked up at the ceiling, again.

He recently found himself talking to some one up there, a lot.

He was waiting for answers.

Anything.


	7. Aneurysms

7. Aneurysms

CORRIDOR

"Hey." Derek greeted his wife with a quick kiss

"Hey, back!"

"You got Sam's results back?"

"Actually I was heading there just now."

"Mind if I join you?" Derek smiled

"Of course not."she smiled back "So you think they'll ever get the chance to be together?"

"Well we'll have them for a few more days. Let's see what new romantic Meredith will do."

"Only if same old romantic Derek helps."

"You bet."

"Hey Mer." Christina interrupted "What's the deal with this Air Force colonel. Is she like all military and scary?"

"Not a t all. She's actually really nice."

"Really?" Christina asked skeptically."Thought all Army people were dark and damaged. At least at first."

"First of all it's the Air Force not the Army. Second of all not everyone needs to be like Owen. He's got problems."

"No he doesn't. Plus they all are." Christina said before she turned away to leave.

"I'll never understand you two." Derek shook his head with a smile

"No one really does. That's what makes us special."

…..

SAM'S ROOM

"The second MRI shows multiple aneurysms that weren't there before. I have no idea how this is possible. But as your aneurysms seem to rupture very quickly we'll need to tend to them as quickly as possible. Unfortunately there are multiple traumas from an accident coming in and many of them have reported head injuries. I'll finish as quickly as I can before I take you to your surgery." Derek explained.

"You want her to have another surgery?" Jack asked incredibly.

"I'm afraid there's no other option." noticing that Jack was about to open his mouth again Derek intercepted his unasked question with the answer "And you really can't transport her anywhere. You saw what happened last time."

"You just need to keep her calm and maintain her blood pressure at an acceptable level." Meredith addressed Jack.

"Will do. I know just the thing to cheer her up." he sent her a wink.

Meredith and Derek were at the door before Jack stopped them to ask them quietly "She is going to be ok, right doc? You have to..."

"I'll do everything in my power to make certain of that."

When they were out of hearing range Derek said worriedly to Meredith "I guess the same old romantic Derek won't have to work hard on the end of getting them together. I just need to keep her alive long enough for him to tell her."

….

SAM'S ROOM

A loud gasping sound.

Panicky cries.

Muffled words.

The closer he got the more sense the words made.

"I… can't… breathe…"

He was sprinting now.

Running for her life.

As he reached the door he found the same asian doctor from the waiting room, attaching the oxygen mask to her nose "Page Shepherd." she shouted.

Jack felt the cake in his hands fall to the ground as he rushed to Sam's side.

"I.. can't…." Sam gasped for air.

"Shhh.. try not to talk. Take small deep breaths." the doctor ordered.

After listening to Sam's chest with the stethoscope she added "Page Dr Altman, too." then the doctor turned to Jack "Sir, you're gonna have to wait outside."

Jack refused to budge and he made it clear by his look.

'Ok then. Just stay out of the way please." she said- clearly remembering him- before she turned to the nurses "Get me the broncho dilator."

Sam was wheezing loudly and hardly…

"Ma'am please. You need to try and relax. Small deep breaths." the doctor looked at Jack for help.

On cue, he moved closer to Sam's side and held her hand "Hey Carter, focus. Focus." Sam gasped for air, again "No no don't gasp. Breathe slowly. Shhhh. Slowly, slowly. Shhhhh..." he exaggerated taking deep breaths in before letting them out. Again and again, so she could adjust her breathing to his. He caressed the hand he held in his to get her to further relax "That's it Carter that's it you're doing great."

Derek came with a sprint "What's going on?" he asked

"She can't breathe."

"What's her post ox?"

"92 on 4 litters. I tried to use the broncho dilator without response."

By then Dr Altman had arrived too "Christina, what's going on?"

Christina repeated the same answer she'd just given Derek before he added "She'd just had surgery for a ruptured aneurysm. And she's got many more that I was going to operate on tonight."

"We need a chest film, blood gas and EKG." Altman ordered.

The doctors started to work on the tests pushing Jack away from where he was holding Sam's hand.

Sam was barely conscious and he was barely breathing.

He felt a hand on his shoulder "She's gonna be ok, Jack. We're gonna figure this out."

"I hope you're right, doc." Jack replied acting callas trying to hide his worry, like a good soldier only would. But of course his cover up was failing miserably. All color had left his panicked face.

….

OUTSIDE SAM'S ROOM

"She's going into congestive heart failure. She needs surgery now." Dr Altman reported

"Heart surgery?" Jack asked non-believingly

"Yes. Dr Yang is prepping her now."

"But I don't understand. You people operated on her head and now you damaged her heart." Jack yelled.

"We didn't damage it, sir. Sometimes the heart condition is weakened due to surgery." Altman explained, slightly intimidated by the higher ranking officer, you could see her standing a bit straighter than usual.

"Her heart isn't weak. She's survived a dozen surgeries just fine."

"Or it could be a brain bleed." Shepherd suggested. "The thing is we need to fix it before her heart and brain are deprived of oxygen long enough to cause permanent damage. I'm gonna be there the whole time to make sure nothing goes wrong inside her brain."

"Fix her!" Jack yelled while throwing them an angry look 'Damn it. I never should have allowed them to operate on her, we should have been in an Air Force Hospital, these people don't seem to know what they're doing. Ferryboats or not, this Derek guy better fix what he's done or….. head's are gonna roll!'


	8. Complications

So here's a somewhat longer chapter to make up for making you wait... And some things will start to get clear, as u all suspected but I warn you this is only part one of a longer series, so beware any deceptions on my part hehe or don't... wait and see... this will get a bit down before getting way better before the great decline... the endless abyss haha... So enough already... hope u enjoy the chapter and as always and most importantly thanx for the continuous support of readers, followers and reviewers... you make my days...

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8. Complications

SAM'S ROOM

Sam's sleeping.

Many wires and tubes going in and out of her body.

He's been waiting for her to wake up for a long time now. Too long.

Derek was waiting.

Meredith was waiting.

For Derek this was too familiar that it sacred him 'This is Jen all over again. I'm not gonna be the one to murder this man's love before he'd even had the chance. Not again! This can't be happening. Meredith will blame herself. She wont survive this. She's still in the beginning of her career she can't bare this. I can't bare this. And Jack definitely won't bare this. She has to wake up.'

For Meredith this was new territory but she knew what Derek was thinking 'This is just like Jen. It's just the same. What if I nicked the aneurysm. What if it wasn't spontaneous? But I hadn't touched it yet, I'm sure. But still. What if she dies. What will Derek do? He won't survive this. Not again. And what will I do, if i'd killed her? What will Jack do, if she dies before he's had the chance to tell her how he really feels? Before she gets the chance to tell him she loves him? God what will we do? She has to wake up."

For Jack, oh for Jack it was so familiar that he'd laugh out loud right now if is brain wasn't on freeze.

His brain was blank. Nothing was going through it. He was thinking of nothing. He wasn't praying for anything. He wasn't afraid of anything. He wasn't hoping for anything. He wasn't in pain. He wasn't angry. He wasn't sad. He wasn't ignoring. He wasn't in denial. He wasn't facing the truth. He wasn't trying to figure out what this meant. He was just standing there, with nothing in his brain.

Blankness. Numbness. Void.

Then involuntarily he felt his mouth open and the words "She has to wake up." leave his lips. Just like that, as if his mouth had a mind of its own. Apparently a mind that wasn't as bluffed and blank as the one up there.

Derek and Meredith didn't know what they should say, how they could answer, so they didn't. They just stood there telling themselves that she had to wake up.

"What is wrong with you?" a light voice broke the silence. A voice they'd all been waiting to hear. A voice that brought the gears in Jack's mind back in action. A voice that pressed 'play' after so many hours of living in 'pause'.

Derek laughed loudly in relief. Meredith did the same. And Jack he just indulged the voice filling his ears, the voice that meant she woke up.

"Cater?" Jack moved closer to her.

"Why are you all looking at me like that?" she asked, clearly oblivious to what has been going on.

"You were in congestive heart failure. It was probably because of some residual bleeding in your brain. We went in fixed you heart and while we were at it I also took care of your aneurysms." Derek explained. "We still don't know what caused all theses aneurysms to appear like that. We'll run some more tests. But you're stable for now."

"No offense Derek. But that's what you said the last time. And the time before." Jack was trying not to be to ironic.

"I know Jack I'm sorry. But I just can't find an explanation for all this. It shouldn't be happening. It doesn't make any sense. But I promise you I'm gonna find out."

Sam just watch the whole conversation go by without any reaction. She looked so detached.

Meredith had noticed while Derek and Jack were talking so she was watching Sam closely trying to figure out what was going on with her.

She also noticed an involuntary twitching in Sam's left arm and eyelid. It was so faint but it was there.

She didn't wanna alert Jack or Sam just yet so she captured Derek's attention with her eyes and pointed towards Sam for him to assess the situation.

"Sam?" Derek called her. "Sam?" he repeated only eliciting the slightest reaction from Sam.

"I want you to squeeze my hands." he asked her.

"What's going on?" Jack asked worry climbing up his body again.

"Nothing. It's just standard post op check up." Derek reassured. "Sam, I want you to try and squeeze my hand." he repeated as Sam only looked at him the first time he asked. He held eye contact with her causing her to comply with his order.

Derek nodded concernedly.

"What is it?"Jack asked clearly losing his temper

"There's weakness on the left side alongside involuntary twitching. It's expected after brain surgery, especially two in less than two days" he turned to Meredith "But I wanna keep a close eye on her." Meredith nodded.

"Seems we're not meant to go fishing this week eh Carter? Guess it's a better hang up than some russian emergency. At least here there's our favorite hospital food." he joked recalling the replicator situation in the russian sub that had interrupted his fishing plans, 6 years ago, in order to lighten up Sam. He didn't want to act worried around her in order to not scare her further.

She just sat there. She didn't look at him. She didn't look at any of them. She didn't even flinch.

"That expected after surgery too?" Jack shot Derek an angry look.

"Meredith, get another MRI." Derek wasn't sure what was going on with Sam, it didn't make any sense "I assure you Jack, I'm doing everything I can. I just don't know…"

"Well figure it out!" Jack yelled at him "All I know is that this is not Carter!"

Derek nodded understandingly while trying not to let the guilt eat him up just yet. 'I'm missing something. What is it?'

What he didn't know was that Jack was already letting the guilt eat him up. Has been since all this began. 'I should have seen it earlier. She's been having way more headaches than was even normal for us. I should have gotten her to the hospital the second she blacked out. I sensed it. We all did. I knew there was something off with her but chose to ignore it. What? You thought if you didn't acknowledge it it wouldn't be there? Huh? That's what you always do. What you're good at, right? Ignoring the problem, living in denial. Cause then you won't have to actually feel anything. Then you won't have to be human. It's all your fault. She would have been in an Air Force hospital by now. They would have known what to do. I can't even reach anyone from the SGC since Daniel last called to say they'd arrived and to check on Sam. What am I supposed to do? I can't just sit there being useless.'

Derek and Meredith left him to be alone with Sam while they tried to figure out what to do next.

He just stood there in front of her trying to get her to acknowledge him.

….

OUTSIDE SAM'S ROOM

"Derek?" Meredith asked worriedly.

Derek didn't answer so she repeated again "What does this mean? Did I cause this?" she was trying hard not to panic.

"No. I don't know. No." he replied still processing what's going on "The weakness on one side is an expected complication. She could be just withdrawn as a side effect from the anesthesia or residual bleeding. But something isn't right. This doesn't make any sense."

"Did I cause this?" Meredith repeated again.

"We were both there Meredith. The aneurysm just burst on it's own accord, before you even touched it. Something else is causing this. We just need to find out what it is."

"So I'll get the MRI, check if there's any more bleeding or hidden aneurysms." Meredith asked.

"Yes. And I want a full medical workup. We need to figure this out."

Meredith turned to get on her way before Derek stopped her again "It's not your fault, Meredith. We're gonna figure this out." he lovingly assured her.

She just nodded before going back to Sam's room.

….

SAM'S ROOM

"Carter!" he called for the fourth time only resulting in her emotionlessly looking at him. She didn't even seem to recognize him.

"You know who I am?" he asked but was met with the same indifferent reaction. "You know who I am?" he repeated more loudly while moving his face even closer to hers. They were mere inches apart.

"Damn it Carer! What happened to you?" he asked in the air. He was no longer expecting an answer.

'What the hell is going on. What did they do to you? What's missing? Why does this always happen. Why? Why? Why? But I have to be patient. I should give her time. I should try a different approach.'

"Sam? Can you hear me?" she didn't budge at his tender tone. The tone that usually caused her heart to skip a beat in front of his own eyes, though he refused to acknowledge it. The tone that caused her eyes to sparkle and her smile to widen, this same tone didn't elicit even the tiniest reaction from her. And this broke his heart into a million tiny little pieces.

"Jack?" Meredith made her presence clear. "Is everything ok?"

"No! Everything is not ok! She's… she's not…. She doesn't even recognize me." He exploded.

"I know this must be hard. But I assure you Derek is doing everything…."

"It's not enough! You people don't seem to know what you're doing."

"I'm sorry. I truly am but…."

"No! You know what? I'm not doing this anymore. I want her transported right now. I'm not baring your incompetence for another second."

"But sir she's unstable…."

"I'm not asking you! I'm telling you I want her moved right now. Your job here is over! It's done." He was borderline yelling now at the top of his lungs.

His shouting caught the attention of everyone in the corridor, including the Chief and Derek who rushed towards the source of the yelling.

"Dr Grey? What's going on here?" the Chief asked Meredith warningly.

"Chief! it's…" Meredith started to answer.

"You're the Chief of this place huh? What's going on here is that you're running a very loose ship, sir! What's going on here is that your good for nothing surgeons spoiled the brain of one of this country's and this planet's brightest minds. That's what happened." Jack yelled again.

"Sir, I assure you that…." Richard Webber, the Chief, started to reassure the very worried and angry gentleman in front of him before he was interrupted.

"No! I don't want you to reassure me. I want her transferred to one of our hospitals and now. I don't care how you do it, I just want it done!"

"She's not stable enough to be transported anywhere just yet. You saw what happened the last time we…." Derek started.

"Yes I saw what happened. And what good did it do her that you were there to save her? None! You almost chocked her to death once and now… now she's got weakness on one side of her body that's spreading and she's not responsive and SHE DOESN'T KNOW WHO I AM!"

"The weakness is spreading?" Derek rushed alarmedly to Sam's side to check on her. "Since when?"

"Since you last checked. I've been checking on her every five minutes and her left side is growing weaker." Jack shot him a look "But that's not the point. The point is I want her out of here now."

"Sir, I assure you, that Dr Shepherd is one of this country's brightest minds too and he's very good at his job, the best in fact. I know it must be hard for you but you just need to calm down."

The monitor's rapid beeping interrupted the heated conversation

"What's going on?" Jack asked all his anger instantly replaced with sheer worry.

"Her heart's racing." Derek announced while checking her pulse "Meredith, call the code! Get the crash cart!"

Everyone started running around. Nurses rushing into the room. Monitors kept on beeping. Paddles charging. Derek shouting "Clear!".

CPR. Paddles charging again. Doctors shouting orders over Jack's head. Jack's heart ceasing to beat. His inhaled breath doesn't get exhaled. A flatline moving across the monitor's screen. His world is in a standstill. Someone pushed the "pause" button again. Everything is moving in slow motion. Everything is blurry. He can't make out what the doctors are saying but the flatline on the monitor is enough for him to feel his body failing underneath him. He doesn't know what's keeping him on his feet, but he's sure he was only holding on inertia in this moment.

And then suddenly, the monotonous sad beep is interrupted by a single high-pitched beep.

Suddenly the flatline is interrupted by a small bump. A pulse.

And then another one. And another one. and another one…..

The world started to move a bit faster with each pulse. With each beep, Jack's heart started to beat again.

Then her heart rate reached 82 and with that Jack's world no longer moved in slow motion. It was no longer paused. It started to play again.

But he was still on standby, he was still waiting for her to wake up. To recognize him. To smile. To simply take his breath away.

"She's stable." announced Derek.

Jack had forgotten what he was yelling about a moment ago. Right now, his only concern in the world was for Sam to wake up again.

"Sam?" he moved closer as he felt her body move a little. "Sam?" he repeated tenderly.

"Sir?" she asked softly without opening her eyes.

"Carter! You know who I am!" he exclaimed in joy then turned to the doctors in the room "She knows who I am" he grinned proudly.

"Wh… what happened?" Sam asked.

"You gave us all a little scare for a minute there. But you're fine now." Meredith explained.

"And I'm gonna have to run more tests, to make sure you stay that way." Derek told her while actually addressing Jack. "I know you think I'm doing a terrible job, I know you think this is all my fault, but I assure you I'm doing everything in my power to find out what's going on here. And I also assure you that moving her now will only lead to further aggravating her already fragile condition. I'm asking you to trust me. I know how you feel inside, I've been through it before, but i wouldn't be telling you this if I wasn't absolutely sure I'm good at what I do." Derek spoke sincerely to Jack. He spoke into his soul. And Jack could feel that he really meant what he was saying. All of it. So he nodded his approval.

"Meredith." Derek looked at Meredith ordering her to run the previously agreed on tests, before leaving the room to give the Chief the explanation he was probably waiting for.

Upon Derek's and the Chief's leaving Meredith turned to Sam "How are you feeling"

"I… I don't know…" Sam replied confusedly.

"Carter?" Jack approached her skeptically. "Something hurting you?"

"No… sir… it's just… I…. I'm… something's not right…"

"What is it Sam? Can you describe what you're feeling?" Meredith asked in concern.

"It's…. I don't know." she looked Jack deeply in the eyes signaling that she wanted to tell him something confidential.

"Meredith, what do you say you get her some blue jelly from the cafeteria, that's been always known to cheer her up." Jack asked

"But I need to…"

"It's ok doc I got it." jack assured her.

"Sorry but…"

"Meredith… I'm fine… I… I could really use something to.. eat…"

"I'll see what I can do." Meredith said while leaving the room to look for one of the nurses.

"So Carter. You care to explain?"

"I don't know sir… I feel… I feel like I'm not in control. Like…. Jolinar…"

"You feel like you've been overtaken by a goa'uld?"

"No… not exactly… I know I'm not a host but I also feel… it's like the memories left to me by her are suddenly stronger, more than they'd ever been. I think… I don't know.. the naquada in my blood might have…." she started to slip into unconsciousness.

"No, no, no Carter stay with me. Stay with me." he rubbed her cheeks and forehead "Carter. Carter wake up."

She complied but only barely "I'm…"

"I know I know. But just a while longer. Tell me what did the naquada do?"

No reply.

"Come on Carter. Come one" he rubbed harder and held her from the shoulders to keep her alert.

"What did it do Carter?"

"Bleed… mix… braiiiiii…" and with that he felt her body fail in his arms.

"Nurse! Nurse! I need some help in here." he yelled.

Meredith came running alongside with two nurses "What happened?"

"She was talking to me and then… she… just fainted." Jack was still not processing what went on. 'What the hell is this and why is everything going so fast. I mean give me a break!'

"Page Dr Shepherd!" Meredith listened to Sam's breath sounds and did the routine checkup. "She's probably just tired. It's not uncommon for the alertness level to change rapidly post op of brain surgery." she reassured Jack. "Why don't you go grab a bite to eat while we run some tests and get a repeat MRI?"

"I'm not going anywhere." Jack informed firmly, his figure unwavering.


	9. Explanations

9. Explanations

WAITING ROOM

Jack's brain was working overdrive. They'd just taken her to get yet another MRI and he was, once again, left waiting for her. Alone.

'What did she mean with the naquada? It's always been in her blood. What's changed? What's mix and brain? What was she trying to tell me? Damn it Jack! Now's not the time to play stupid. She's depending on you. If all this is really happening because of the naquada then they'll never be able to help her. It's up to you and you alone. You can't reach the SGC. You still can't get a hold of the President. You're alone in this. And what happened to all of them, anyway? Why can't I reach them? It's not like Daniel and Teal'c to not check in for so long. What if they're hurt? What if something is wrong with them. They could need help. They could…. Damn it Jack! Now's not the time for this. Focus! Carter needs you. Whatever's going on in the SGC can wait. They've probably got it under control, just like they've had for the past two years without your help. But Carter needs you. She needs YOU! So what did she mean with bleed, mix, brain.' And then just like that he felt the lightbulb light up brightly inside his head. 'The naquada in her blood mixed with the external tissue of her brain upon the rupture of the first aneurysm. She must have thought the naquada could be responsible for the development of the rest of the aneurysms so quickly and it's probably also what's making them rupture, due to the unstable chemical mixture inside her brain. She probably had the first aneurysm just like anyone would have… but because… oh for crying out loud…. it's all because of these good for nothing Tok'ra. Again… It always comes down to them and what they've done… Because of Jonlinar… because of her Sam's aneurysm… the one that would have probably been easily treated… turned into a chain reaction of disasters… I really hate those Tok'ra… I hate all of them snakes…. But that's if the first aneurysm was already in Sam's brain due to natural causes… wasn't it? Oh come on Jack! Focus! Focus…. naquada in the brain…. what do I need… how can I contain it? Yes there was this substance…. Now if only I can remember what the name of that substance capable of neutralizing naquada was, everything would be fine… I hope…. So what was it? I know it. I know I know it….I've heard her say it a million times before. If only I had payed more attention to her words whenever she went all technobabble on me, instead of how… hot she was doing so… Focus, Jack focus. What was it? Dia something. Diachrome? No, no. It was two words. Mono. Dia. Diacyte? Diacyte Monochrome? No. Oh for cryin' out loud what was it? Dia…acetyl. Yes dactyl mono…. come on. Come one. You know it, you know it.' And before he even formulated it in his head he found his legs sprinting towards the MRI room. 'Diacetyl Monoxime! Hah! I knew I knew it! Let's just hope it works. I hope you're right like you always are Carter. Just this one more time. Please.'

…

MRI OBSERVATION ROOM

Jack stormed in, almost out of breath.

"Jack? What are you doing here? You can't…" Derek looked at him in confusion.

"I found it! Hah!" Jack explained between breaths.

"You found what?" Derek asked.

"I know what's causing these aneurysms to grow inside her brain like apples on trees."

"What is it?"

"I can't tell you." Jack replied as if it were the most natural answer in the world. Derek just shot him a non believing angry look, so did Meredith.

"You need to give her Diacetyl Monoxime. Preferably directly inside her brain."

"What? But that's toxic. Why would you get that idea?" Derek asked still confused by the Air Force General making medical diagnosis.

"I know. But she's got some residue of toxic metal we use in our work that's only neutralized with Diacetyl Monoxime."

"You didn't mention that in the history. What's that metal so we can…." Meredith asked somewhat annoyed.

"That's classified. What I'm telling you is, that you need to pump her with Diacetyl Monoxime and you need to do it fast."

Derek and Meredith exchanged some skeptic glances before Derek spoke again.

"Well, she seems to be still developing aneurysms." He said pointing at the newly developed aneurysms appearing on the computer screen.

"Look doc, I know I'm not a doctor but I also know what I'm doing. I wouldn't be telling you this if I thought it would harm her. You need to trust me, too." Jack used that sincere emotional voice he only used with people he didn't know that well but felt a certain responsibility or closeness towards.

"Get the Diacetyl Monoxime. And I'll prep her for surgery. I need to get to these aneurysms, before another one of them decides to rupture. I hope you're right, Jack." Derek told him before he and Meredith went on to do their job.

"Me too." Jack spoke to no one in particular.

…

OPERATION ROOM

"Ok, everybody, it's a beautiful day to save lives." Derek said not actually believing what he was saying. He hesitantly held on to the scalpel for a few moments before starting to cut.

"You think it will work?" Meredith asked.

"I sure hope so. I'm not about to be the one who kills this nice Air Force Colonel."

"What do you think this metal is? Isn't it weird that he refused to tell us what it is?"

"It's very weird. Especially if it is causing aneurysms to spontaneously develop inside someone's brain." Derek agreed as he navigated his way through Sam's brain.

"What kind of metal could do this?" Meredith thought out loud.

"I sure never heard of it…. Damn it!"

"What?"

"I think I might have…. no…. wait… I've got it."

"God. Why is everything so complicated with this woman." Meredith held the suction over the location of the almost-bleed.

"I sure as hell don't know. But I'm starting to get a weird feeling about these two. I don't think, Deep Space Telemetry- was it you said?- is what they do."

"Me neither."

"Why don't you ask Hunt what he can find out about them? He could have some acquaintances in this field, doesn't he?"

"I'm not sure I'm the best person to ask Hunt. Maybe you should."

"You still haven't talked to him about that OR incident?"

"No, and I'm not gonna. Neither are you!" She warned from underneath her surgical loops.

…

SAM'S ROOM

"Ok, so her aneurysms were once again removed. Let's just hope that you were right about the Diacetyl Monoxime." Derek informed Jack who was sitting beside Sam's bed waiting for her to wake up. Again.

Jack just consciously looked at him.

Derek turned to leave but stopped "If you don't mind my asking: you don't work in Deep Space Telemetry, do you? Because you don't seem like that's what you do. You seem like those Special Ops guys."

"I don't mind your asking. And no we don't work in Deep Space Telemetry." Jack replied.

"Hah I knew it!" Derek smiled happily.

"We work in Deep Space RADAR Telemetry." Jack said emphasizing the 'Radar' with a self-satisfied smirk.

"Oh!" Derek hid his disappointment and his non conviction. He turned to leave.

"Doc?" Jack stopped him.

"Yes?" Derek turned around expectantly 'Maybe he will really tell me what's going on, after all!'

"When will she wake up?"

'I guess not!' "She should wake up in about an hour or so. I'll be back by then. Be sure to page us if she awakens earlier."

"Will do!" Jack smiled.

…

HALLWAY

Derek felt a breath on the back on his neck "So? You talk to Hunt about Sam and Jack?"

"Uhu…" he replied in trance by his wife's breathing down his neck. He felt so aroused. And he realized how much he missed her. Though they'd spent every second of the past two days together, they weren't actually together. They were completely focused on Sam's case.

"So?" Meredith asked impatiently "What did he say?"

"They've been scrubbed."

"Huh?"

"They've been scrubbed. It means all they're records have been cleaned up. Meaning they work in the top secretive stuff."

"So Deep Space Radar Telemetry?"

He shook his head "Just a cover up. Apparently they're into something big."

"They must be, if she has some toxic metal inside her brain and they both didn't even seem to find it the least bit bizarre. Jack actually seemed relieved after figuring out that her brain was being poisoned by a metal."

"Like they've been through worse!" Derek completed Meredith's thought.

"That could explain the tissue damage you found in her brain."

"They've been through much worse!" he confirmed.

"So what do we do now?"

"We can go to the on call room!" he suggested. But upon seeing the look she threw him, he playfully added "Ah about them you mean? I guess we'll wait till she wakes up, hope the cure worked and keep her a few days for observation. That's if they'll let us and if nothing else goes wrong."

"And about the other thing?"

"The on call room?"

"Derek!"

"Ah! Getting them together?"

She nodded.

"Well I think I can give talking to him another try. Not that he seems like the king of guy who listens."

"I thought you liked him!"

"Yep. Up until he practically called me a loser, yelled at me, turned out to be hiding parts of her medical history and works in some creepy classified government business with no background!"

"You know you like him."

"I do. But I still find him creepy. Isn't that weird?"

"That you like him even though you find him creepy? It is! But he's a likable guy. So is she by the way. That's why we're gonna do our best to get them to see the light."

"Right after we see some!" he said while grabbing her inside one of the supply rooms and locking the door behind them with a triumphant smile.


	10. Resolutions

10. Resolutions

SAM'S ROOM

"So Carter? You feeling like yourself?"

She nodded weakly.

"No little voices here or there? No 'who are you'? No…."

"No sir!"

"That's my girl!" he grinned widely before turning to Derek "So doc, you think she's really stable this time or will she keep on scaring us like this?"

"You're the one who knows what's wrong with her. You tell me!" Derek replied almost harshly. He was still mad at these guys for hiding vital information from him. He hated it when patients acted like this. As much as he tried to convince himself that it's not their fault, it's probably their job, there was still some small part of him that didn't accept it.

"I told you doc, it must have been some toxic metal she's been exposed to at work, without us knowing. I thought, or actually- as always- she did, before ever so graciously blacking out again, that it might be its interaction with her blood that was causing these aneurysms to appear and burst at will and I told you how to reverse its effects."

"Well if that metal was the cause then she should be fine. If there's something else you're hiding from me I can't be sure that…."

"I told you doc. No one hid anything from you. We just guessed it might be that she got exposed to it at work." Jack repeated, his patience running thin but he still had his best cover up face on.

"Deep Space Radar Telemetry?" Derek pushed his luck.

"Right!"

"I have one question." Meredith interrupted "How come we didn't find traces of any metals in her blood. I mean our tests should have picked it up." 'Maybe we can get there the other way round!'

Sam's weak voice replied from behind her "Because Antimony Polonium Compound, isn't usually picked up in your ordinary blood work. I'm sorry I didn't tell you about it sooner. But I honestly didn't know I'd been exposed to high concentrations of it's gas. There must have been a leak in the lab or something." Sam replied more innocently than was even possible.

Derek and Meredith both believed her in a heart beat. All they're skepticism was gone. Sure these two worked in some classified government business but it was probably really just about space radars and radioactive materials from the sound of it. Nothing wrong with that.

'Nice save Carter.' Jack mouthed to Sam who was looking at him with a small smile. She nodded back 'Always.'

"Well, Sam up till now everything checks out just fine. Let's just hope it remains so." Derek changed the subject.

"We'll leave you to rest."

Jack asked Meredith after having moved closer to her, not wanting Sam to hear "Doc? About that blue jelly?"

"I'll see what I can do." she smiled sensing that this was some kind of small gesture from Jack's side.

"Something going on sir?" Sam asked as Jack returned to sit by her bedside and the two doctors took their leave.

"Not at all Carter. Not at all!" he smiled contently.

A small pause of relief.

Sam had been resting her head for a few minutes and Jack was just savoring her laying in front of him, with even breaths and presumably her full mental capabilities.

"So sir what's the mysterious emergency that had Daniel and Teal'c fly back to the SGC?" Sam interrupted the silence.

"Oh I'm sure it's nothing Carter. They probably were just trying to get out of having to go fishing." he replied as casually as possible.

"Sir what's going on?"

"Nothing Carter. You're the one with the scrambled brain remember?"

"Sir?" she raised a skeptic eyebrow showing that she'd not buying it that easily.

"I don't know, Carter. For real. Landry said there was some kind of situation and that Daniel and Teal'c should head back."

"What situation?"

"I don't know Carter." 'Well, you're gonna have to tell her sooner or later.' "I haven't heard of them since Daniel called to confirm they'd landed."

"What?" Sam started to sit up "What do you mean? Did you try calling the base? Maybe you should call the President. What if it's a foothold…" her head began to race and the room started spinning again but she completely ignored it.

"Carter. Carter. Slow down. I'm already on it. Can't reach the base! And every time I call the President I get told that he'll call me back after dealing with some "stuff"" he drew quotations in the air.

"Sir! We need to get there." she announced while starting to remove her IV with a wince.

These black spots started to dance in front of her eyes again but she blinked them away.

"Carter! We're not going anywhere till you're 100%, ok? And even then I'm gonna head back alone, till you are fully rested. You've had three major surgeries in the past two days you're in no shape…."

"Sir, I'm fit. We need to get to them and you know it!" she looked into his eyes with determination.

"Let me try reaching the president one more time, before we decide on anything." He replied after giving it careful thought without taking his eyes off her.

"I'm ready when ever you need me sir. She sat up a bit straighter to signal her return to military front.

"No one's going anywhere just yet Carter." he said while leaving the room to try and get hold of the president once again.

'Let's just hope he picks up and has good news. I don't wanna have to tell her about Vala if I can help it. And I don't wanna have to leave her…. Well I'll jump off that bridge when I come to it.'

'I hope they're ok. Jack seems like… I don't know. I can't really think straight. I'm far from fit. But if they need our help, we have to get there, fit or not. I guess I can just rest my eyes till he comes back. I'm feeling a little lightheaded all of a sudden' Sam thought to herself as her body started to surrender to a much needed sleep.

…

IN FRONT OF SAM'S ROOM

"Sir, finally!" Jack said in relief as soon as he heard the president's voice on the other side.

"Jack! How is Colonel Carter doing?"

"Out of the woods, sir. What's going on?"

"The SGC is under quarantine as of 1800 yesterday. We're still unclear about the exact nature of the situation but General Landry managed to communicate that Vala Mal Doran was overtaken by an unknown entity off world that managed to get back through the gate with her, similar to what happened to Colonel Carter, years ago. To my information, no one was seriously injured but I haven't heard from them since the lockdown. They're taking the highest precautions."

"Where do you need me, sir?"

"Right where you are, General."

"But, sir. I…."

"There's not much you can do, Jack. The SGC is under complete lockdown, meaning from you and I as well. Just sit tight. I'll let you know as the situation progresses."

"Thank you, sir. And if theres anything you need…."

"I'll let you know, Jack. My best regards to Colonel Carter." And with that the voice on the other side of the phone hung up

'No one was seriously injured, hah! One of SG-1's members is overtaken by an off world entity , again. The SGC is under lockdown, again. And this time I can't be of any assistance. I'm just standing by and watching. Hell, I'm not even watching this time. I'm useless completely useless. Which seems to by my mantra for this weekend: See everyone in trouble and not being able to do a thing to help them. Way to go Jack! What if Daniel and Teal'c and the rest of the base are in trouble. What if they're waiting for me to come. Oh Jack, they're grown ups, they can very well manage without you. I hope. Well at least I know Carter's ok. At least she's not in the mountain. That's something.'

"Sir? You asked for blue jell-o?" Of the nurses approached him as he was lost in thought.

"Yes." he replied still absentmindedly.

"There you go. Dr Grey went to great lengths to find a blue one." she noted before leaving.

'She did, huh!' he smiled

…

SAM'S ROOM

Jack returned with the jelly only to find Sam had already fallen into a deep sleep.

He smiled contentedly that she was finally resting peacefully. She's needed it. He'd tell her the news from the SGC later, after she'd rested.

The jelly could also wait. So could the fishing. And the cabin. And everything else as long as she was alive and well.

He sat down on the chair next to hers after putting down the jelly on the table.

And for a long while he just watched her.

He suppressed the nagging urge to caress her cheeks or fiddle with her hair. He suppressed it as long as he could, until he couldn't.

'No one's there. No one will see you. She's asleep. No one will know. It's just for a second. I just need to touch her cheek. Run my fingers through her golden hair, just once.'

As soon as he touched her skin, her eyes started to open, but only barely. She wasn't completely aware of her surroundings but she knew she had to check on her team. She didn't register anything else. She managed a faint "Th..G..C?"

"They're fine. Everything's fine, Sa,. Go back to sleep." he reassured her while stroking her hair to help her go back to slepp.

And with a sleepy smile on her face, she did.

After an hour of stroking her soft hair, an hour of caressing her tender cheek, an hour of telling himself 'just one last second' he fell asleep. He fell asleep, with one hand of his holding hers, the fingers of the other slowly loosening from her hair so he could rest his head on her bed, almost on her lap.

And his final thought before sleep took full control over him, his final thought where he was no longer coherent enough to think about anything but the thought itself was 'What a sweet way to fall asleep.'

And indeed it was!

…

IN FRONT OF THE HOSPITAL

Derek had been waiting for Meredith for half an hour, until he finally saw her come out of the hospital building, having changed out of her scrubs.

"Hey!" she greeted.

"You got it?"

"I did. But it wasn't easy."

"Well love never is."

"And apparently neither is blue jell-o."

"So we're ready to head home?" Derek couldn't wait to get home in order to finish what they'd started earlier in the supply room. The words 'baby' and 'sex' popped to mind.

"I have a better idea." Meredith grinned, as she grabbed the car keys from his hands and lead him to the car.

"You do?" he laughed waiting to hear what brilliant idea his newly-turned romantic wife came up with now.

"Let's not head home. It's crowded there. It's too much people. Not a healthy environment to conceive a child."

"I know exactly what you mean. And I like it. A lot." he'd already started kissing her neck.

"So a suite?"

"A suite!" he agreed "I mean I never even took you on a real honeymoon."

"Well we'll call this a sneak preview then!" and with that she started the ignition.


	11. Thoughts

11. Thoughts

SAM'S ROOM

A dim light meets her slowly opening eyes.

A slight headache that's a relief, cause it means that the other headache is gone. Just a memory.

Something strong yet gentle in her hand. It feels like skin, it feels like another hand, but who's? Who's hand is protecting her?

Something equally as gentle is somewhere near her chest- almost on it. Another hand that seems like it was holding something and let go only as the body it belongs to surrendered to sleep. Comforting her.

And silver hair, unruly and unique is on her lap. Alongside with the heavy head belonging to it.

It's Jack. She doesn't know how. She doesn't know why. But she knows she wants nothing else.

He would never hold her hands like this while she was asleep. He's never let his hand fall on her body and rest there. He'd never sleep on her lap. Or would he?

'Maybe, it's just a dream. Maybe I'm still asleep. No. I'm definitely still asleep, without a doubt. O I could be hallucinating. Oh my god, I'm hallucinating. Am I slowly losing my mind now? Am I finally going crazy? Imagining my commanding officer, my boss, a general… the man I… oh my god… the man I actually love sleeping on my lap. This is everything I've ever wanted. I can hardly breathe. He's touching…. no he's not. He's not even there, it's not real. You're still asleep Carter, cause if you're not then you're loosing your mind and that would be just…. But could he really be there? Jack, the general I mean, no Jack, I mean Jack, cause I'm just talking to myself here so it might as well be Jack. So could it be that he actually held my hand and probably smoother body parts. And from the looks of it they weren't exactly innocent body parts. Would he ever do this. I mean even if he wanted to, which I'm not saying he does, but even if he did, would he? Of course not, Sam. He wouldn't. He'd never. He never lets his guard down longer than a second or two, if he does at all. And I love it when he does it. When he holds me in his arms, when he can see that I'm falling apart, that I won't make it through another day without another push, that's when he allows himself to open up for a second. But never on any other occasions. Never when I was asking him about Pete's ring. Never when I was… oh no Sam , you're not doing this. You're not doing this ever. You both agreed upon it years ago. There's no other way. And what you have is enough. What you had is enough. Cause now you don't even get the daily glances, the lab visits, the off world camps, the saving each other's life, the joking, the teasing , the explaining. Nothing! You just get the occasional visit here or there and the less than frequent get together. And that's not enough. Not by a small shot. You want more. You need more. And that's why you're hallucinating… dreaming him on your bedside, holding your hand in his, with the warmth of his body radiating into yours. With his head laying on your hip, covering it from the outside world. With his weight sinking into your body, making you feel like your alive. With his hand in your chest, your breast actually, arousing all kinds of intimate feelings in the pit of your stomach. And his silver hair peering out from the sheets covering you. Oh how you would kill to put hand on it. Just run it through this silver hair you adore, if only for once. If only I could feel his hair underneath my fingertips. If only I could…. this would keep me going for days… years even. I would want nothing more. Just a touch. At touch at will, a conscious touch would do.'

She tightened her grip on the hand holding hers. She's never ever move it from where it was. Ever.

She stretched out her other hand to move it though his hair but stopped it just a millimeter before touching his hair.

'What the hell are you doing Carter? Oh so I'm talking to myself as he would do now. Nice! Oh for crying out loud. Oh god what's happening to me? I can't even be angry at myself without getting him involved. I can't do anything that's not about him. Everything in the world somehow turns out to have something to do with him in my head. That's just sick. I talk like him now? In my head? 'but that's how he is. He grows on you. He eats you up from the inside out.' she became once again conscious to the feel of her hand being cradled in his 'With his careless, ironic, dumb act and his actual charming, hero, intelligent self. He just has his way with people. That's how he is. Sometimes I can't even rationalize it. I just know it.'

This moment she found her hand allow itself to finally sink into his hair. She felt her fingers run though his silver silk of a hair and she was in trance. She could no longer from any coherent thoughts. She could no longer berate herself, convince herself, explain to herself, admire him, love him, be angry at him, interpret their relationship, she could only feel awe.

She felt a before unknown feeling rush through her veins. It was similar to when they touched in the ferry only a million times stronger. On the ferry they were somehow still restricted, they didn't allow themselves to fully let their guard down, but now they could. She could. He was asleep and it was only her. So why deny herself this second of serenity. Of complete an utter love.

It was then she knew, she wasn't dreaming. She wasn't hallucinating and it wasn't just a coincidence.

He'd deliberately held her hand. He'd deliberately touched her body or something else. And he'd deliberately put his head on her lap.

Because just as she's doing right now, he thought he was alone and she was asleep.

He thought no one would ever know. He did it in: sleep. He didn't count in: Fate!

Just like her he was allowing himself what he very rarely even allowed his mind.

Before even rationalizing what she was doing, she took the second blanket from her side and covered them both with it.

And then without removing her hand from his, she carefully, without moving his head all too much, turned to be sleeping on her side, facing him. She turned so she could put her other hand through his hair again, for just a little while longer. She turned so she could be enchanted for jus little while longer.

She had a smile, she'd never had before on her face. A new smile. A smile she didn't quite understand yet. A smile she felt, that if she listened to what the good doctor, Meredith, has been trying to tell her, she'd get to go to sleep with overnight for the rest of her life. a smile she knew she recognized on Meredith's face. A smile of love.

And with that smile, with daydreams of the future- a future with him, with thought about Meredith's words, she fell back to sleep.

They were both asleep holding on to each other for dear life.


	12. Men

SAM'S ROOM

Two figures, peacefully asleep.

Two hands, tightly interlaced.

A hand clenching on hair.

A hand brushing on chest.

Two smiles, that can only come from love.

That's what met Meredith as she came to check on her patient before rounds.

That's what she paged her husband to get to see before she woke them up.

And that's what has her holding Derek's hand tightly and kissing him passionately just outside the door.

Jack starts to slowly awaken, only to feel a warm hand still inside his, a soft body underneath his arms and a new light weight on his hair. And afraid that it might not be what he thinks it is, he opens his eyes but only slowly. To his delight, it is exactly what he thought it was: Sam's hand. And also her face, her sleeping face, facing down at him. And his hand exploring places, it should never have even known existed. Places it yearned for. Tempting places. He also notices the blanket on him and understands the implications: They've both allowed themselves more than they'd usually ever would. And that was…. what was it? It wasn't bad. Definitely not bad. Dangerous maybe but not bad. Perfect actually. Perfect and yet dangerous. But they were miles away from home and no one was there, so if they wanted: what they left six years ago inside that room in the SGC, they can leave today in this room in Seattle. Or… they could take it with them. Couldn't they?

His thought stream was interrupted by feeling Meredith's and Derek's eyes staring down at him

He cleared his throat and sat up acting as casual as possible, as if nothing had happened. And nothing did. Right?

After untangling his hands from where it had been and regretfully freeing his body, he gently awoke Sam, so that the doctors could check her condition.

'It's noble of them to act as if they saw nothing. Very… relieving.' What he didn't know was that they were keeping their distance for the moment, because they'd already set a plan of interference. They were just timing it right. And now was not the right time. Not just yet.

….

After doing the usual check up on Sam, making sure that no more aneurysms were growing in her brain and no more post op complications appeared, Derek assured Sam and Jack that she was well on the road to recovery.

"You're doing great, Sam! Fishing might be just a few days away!"

"I can't wait!" both Jack and Sam said at the exact same time.

"So Sam, if you don't mind, I'll leave you in the company of my amazing wife while I take this poor guy here to grab a bite to eat." Derek announced "You see he hasn't so much as left this room and the corridor in front of it since the day you came." He sent a slight wink in Meredith's direction before he motioned Jack outside of the room.

"But…" Jack complained taken aback by not being asked wether he wanted to go or not. He wasn't used to having his decisions made for him and he didn't like it.

"Sir. You need to eat. And you need a change of scenery. I'll be ok. Please?" Sam intercepted her CO with a convincing smile.

"I'll be back in a bit, Carter. Try not to wreck the house."

"I'll do my best." she held back a chuckle.

….

CAFETERIA

"So is it customary for surgeons to take the patient's accompany to lunch?" Jack asked skeptically.

"Only when the surgeon's wives takes a special interest in the patient." Derek replied getting in on Jack's skepticism 'the best way to approach this is directly. He seems like a straight forward kind of guy.'

Jack just raised his eyebrow at the comment "So how long have you and this wife of yours been married?" 'I don't like where this conversation is headed, so if I wanna get out of this conversation with the least losses possible I might as well deflect and ask him about his life!'

"Almost two years actually."

"Wow. That's something."

"Yeah it is. So I was saying…"

"You have any kids?" 'Oh no you're not gonna get to me that easily buddy!'

'You wanna deflect, huh? You think you're so smart aren't you?' "Not yet. Actually we've been trying but it's hard. We've lost a baby and my wife's uterus is hostile so it's hard to keep them." 'Now why did your expression turn all dark and grim when I said 'lost a baby'? Did you and Sam have a baby? Did you lose it? Were you together and now you're separated? What? Well I'm gonna get there. Nice and easy. One step at a time Derek. It's a marathon not a sprint.'

Jack didn't react. He just looked at Derek trying to keep the dark emotions stirring up in him at bay 'Now is not the time to open up to this stuff. They've lost an unborn child. Nothing to do with me. Nothing remotely to do with me.'

"You see Meredith never used to be this family woman that dreams of a happily ever after with a husband and kids. But I've spoiled her, you see, I turned her into this hopelessly romantic woman who doesn't stop meddling with people's lives to ensure their happiness" 'Yep. That's the right entrance angel. For every wound there's an access point. And by the impressed raised eyebrows of his I might have just found his.'

"Is that so?" 'Where the hell is this conversation going? I know where but how do I stop it?'

"Yep. So you and Sam?" 'Yep bluntness will do just about now!'

"Yes?"

"You're…." 'I'll just give him enough rope to hang himself'

"Yes?" 'Oh no, I'm not giving you the satisfaction. Not that easily.'

'Seems like it's gonna be harder than I thought' "You're together?"

"What? No!" 'Didn't think you'd be that bold Derek Shepherd.' "I'm her commanding officer. She's been my second in command for 8 years and now I've been the Commanding Officer of her Commanding Officers for two years."

"So that's the only hang up? Commanding Officer?"

"Hang up for what?"

"Your relationship" 'I have a feeling I'm really testing my limits with this guy. Let's just hope I hit the nerve before he's had enough.'

Jack just raised both eyebrows in a nonbelieving, clearly pissed look.

"Because if that's the only thing, you really have no problem at all. I mean this is a minor issue. Meredith and I… We had to go through much tougher stuff."

"First of all DR SHEPHERD…." Jack raised his voice more while pronouncing Derek's formal title.

"First of all Jack, if you think that I'm gonna cower at your growl like all the people under your command probably do you're mistaken. Second of all you and I both know the only reason you're growling at me is because you know I'm on the right track and you're afraid to hear what I have to say because I might just be true." 'Well that seems to have shut him up for the moment. Though I think it's because he's pissed rather than bluffed. Or maybe both. Anyway, time's a wasting.'

"So as I was saying… there are bad things, real reasons that can keep people apart and regulations aren't one of them. Regulations are just a lazy excuse for people who aren't willing to try." Derek pauses to read Jack's expression to his last words 'So you didn't give it a try yet. I think this is better than I thought. Or isn't it? I mean If they'd tried and something came between them this would be harder to fix than if there was no problem to fix at all, wouldn't it be. Except if they hadn't tried for ten years this means they're more stubborn than I thought or I was mistaken. No. I definitely wasn't mistaken, I know what I saw. I can recognize it anywhere.'

"And if I may ask, what are those real reasons that could keep two hypothetical people apart?" 'I so don't like where this is going! Though I do want to hear what he's got to say. I mean, I'm never gonna meet this guy again. So what the hell.'

'He's warming up.' "Before I moved up to Seattle, I was living in New York. I had a great house, my own private practice, tons of money and presumable a wife that loved me and that I loved." 'Aha, the nerve's definitely hit'

Jack raised his eyebrows again but this time it was in pure shock and curiosity.

"One night I come home, find her in bed with my best friend and suffice to say I never want to lay eyes on any of them again. So I pick up my life and move up here, meet this breathtaking girl in the bar, finally convince her to date me and finally- but not so much- not have everyone hate me for dating my intern, and then my wife shows up telling her that she's, well, my wife. I decide to try to make it work with my wife because it's the right thing to do. But after a long time of being miserable with my wife and watching Meredith trying to move on and go on dates and other stuff with other guys, I decide that I can't take it any more."

Images of Sam and Pete come to Jack's mind. And he recalls how sickened he was at the thought of her spending the rest of her life with someone other than him, though her was also happy for her to be finally moving on, one part of him couldn't help but feel extremely jealous.

"So what did you do?" 'D'oh! Way to go Jack, clearly you're not interested in what he's saying! At all!'

"I got a divorce and tried like hell to make it work with Meredith. And I'm telling you she wasn't one that's easy to love. She pushed me away every way she could. She hasn't had a very warm childhood and that was affecting her. Us. But we worked through it, I tricked her into marrying me and turned her into a romantic happy girl." Derek smiled triumphantly.

"But how did you convince your Chief and coworkers to let you be together?" Jack was still hung up on an entirely different point. For as big as his head was and as much as it had seen, it wasn't capable of seeing a problem past that of regulations, that's what the military did to him.

"It's not up to them to let us or not. People don't give up their love to please their boss or to follow some rules. That's just cowardly. All the Chief has the right to do is to tell us that he won't accept this in his hospital and if he had, we'd both have went somewhere else to work. Or at least one of us would have. And usually hospitals, companies and governments put these regulations to make sure no one is taking advantage of the other or harassing the other but once you prove to them otherwise they allow it. No one choses his job over the one he loves, that's if he really loves her!" Derek tested Jack and watched his expression in anticipation.

Jack seemed to be really taken aback by all this. As a neurosurgeon, Derek could almost see the neurons inside Jack's brain firing in thought.

'He's right! As annoying as he is, he's totally right. We've been lazy. Afraid to move on. Hiding behind rules and regulations so we wouldn't need to address our feelings. So we wouldn't get hurt again. So we wouldn't ruin it. As long as we don't start it it can't be spoiled, it can always be in reserve. But if we were to be together and it were to not work, it'll be gone. There'll be no hope for the someday. There'll be no looking forward for the day we'll finally be allowed. There'll be no stolen glances and touches. There'll be just pain and despair. But is it better to live in the fear of losing something you didn't even have to begin with, or is it better to give it your best shot and deal with the consequences as they come? You never were a coward, O'Neill. You're a soldier for crayon' out loud!Why now? But you were a always a coward, weren't you? You are a coward! Concerning everything that hasn't got to do with risking your life and standing in the line of fire. Everything that hasn't to do with throwing remarks and insulting the enemy. You're even a coward when it comes to showing that you actually understand something that you have to hide behind your irony and deflection. You are a coward when it comes to your emotions even if it is only between yourself. You're so afraid to feel pain and loss that you'd rather kill yourself than face your emotions. You are a coward Jack O'Neill. And this time it'll cost you the single reason left for you to live. So when will you finally truly be a courageous soldier and allow yourself to feel. For once in your life allow yourself to be human more than a few minutes at a time."

"It's never the regulation." Jack formulated his realization out loud. He didn't know why but he felt he wanted to let Derek in on what he'd been thinking. Maybe it was part of starting to open up.

"Ha ha. It never is!" Derek laughed in satisfaction. "So you wanna head back to the ladies?"

"I think I do!" Jack replied bluffed at himself. He'd never in his life felt this way before. He'd never acted like this. 'What the hell is going on with me. This doctor really has his ways! So what if I've never done this before. There's a first time for everything. And I know that regulations won't be an issue, not for real. The president will surely gladly bend the rules for two of the county's "heroes" as he puts it. And if he won't i'll retire. This time for real! I mean I'm old enough. I could use the rest. No one choses his job over the one he loves, that's if he really loves her!"

As they made their way through the crowded cafeteria Derek had this bright grin of satisfaction and accomplishment on this face and Jack had his look of determination and relief in his eyes.

'Doctors! Who knew?' Jack thought with a smile.


	13. Women

13. Women

SAM'S ROOM

A bluffed annoyed Jack, alongside with a viciously smiling Derek left the room.

A cheerful Meredith turned to face a tired, relieved and thoughtful Sam.

Sam still had smile on her face from Jack's last comment, but she was clearly far away in thought.

She was no longer aware of Meredith's presence.

"Penny for your thoughts!" Meredith interrupted the stream of Sam's thoughts after a while.

"Huh?" Sam looked up, realizing that Meredith was ill in the room and that she'd been far far away in a land of her own "Oh. I was just…"

"You were thinking about…" Meredith trailed off, leaving Sam to continue the thought.

"I was thinking about…"

"Sam, forgive my bluntness. I'm usually not like that but I… I just can't help but… Look am gonna be straight with you, ok?"

Sam nodded, knowing where this was going but yet not willing to admit the possibility just yet.

"You and the general… you clearly have feelings for each other."

'Oh yeah! Definitely where I think it is going. Not good. Not good at all.'

Seeing that Sam was still looking for an out in her mind, Meredith took advantage "And clearly you both know you do, for some extent. I've seen it before… hell, I've been there before, so I know how it looks like."

Sam just looked at Meredith questioningly. 'What now? Suddenly speechless, ain't you Sam. Talkative genius, with ideas to explain with no end, suddenly at a loss of words with a simple personal confrontation. Ih yeah, colonel alright!'

"I know how it feels like. And it's not… pretty. Not at all. Especially to carry around for ten years."

"Meredith I…"

"Sam. You know I'm right. I know this is none of my business and you can probably get me thrown out of your room, call the Chief or whatever, but I know you wanna hear this. I know that deep down you know I'm right. Maybe you've silenced that voice inside you so much, that you can barely hear it, or maybe it's still whispering to you and you choose to ignore it. I don't know how you succeeded in doing so, probably the military training, and I envy you, I really do. But at the same time I pity you. I mean I would have given anything to be able to bury my feelings for Derek deep down when he hurt me. But now… now that I've seen and felt how it's like to allow him to mend what's been broken, I wouldn't change a thing. I'd go through the pain over and over again."

sam just looked at her. She was truly at loss of words and of thoughts as well. There was so much that was supposed to go through her brain right now that her brain chose to ignore it all and just take in what the young wise doctor was saying.

Meredith noticed the trance Sam was in and decided to continue 'It's now or never. I gotta get it all off my chest. It looks like it might be working.'

"Look Sam. I know that given your lone of work, deep space or not, you've both faced and defied death more times than any of us could imagine. And you have scars on your body that prove that. And you probably had to watch him fight death many times, as did he. Up till last year I wouldn't have known how this feels like. Only Derek would've. I made him go through it. But last year…. last year he got shot right in front of my eyes. I watched as my best friend- a talented but still not very experienced resident like me- struggled to save his life with one of the hardest procedures out there. And all the while all I could think of, other than I would have rather died myself, was that I till hadn't gotten my chance with him. I wanted more. So much more. I wanted to see the baby I was carrying inside me grow up and play hooky with his father. I wanted to grow old with my husband. I wanted to go on a honeymoon with him. Wanted to…" there were tears burning around the corner of Meredith's eyes and they were threatening to fall down. And what was even more surprising was that there were complimenting pairs in Sam's eyes as well.

"The point is. I wanted more. And I'm guessing you of all people can understand it. You… you still haven't really had anything yet. So how do you feel every time you're about to loose him. How would you feel if he…."

"Oh god!" Sam exclaimed with the painful realization. "I…. I can't… you're right… I… I won't be able to go through it another time… I won't be able to…."

"Then… do as I did. Surrender to the voice within. Listen to it. Let it lead you."

"You're…. thank you, Meredith, thank you." Sam smiled happily with the realization she'd just made. She was determined to make it work. To confront him. To…. suddenly her heart sank inside her. She frowned.

"Sam? You alright?" Meredith checked worriedly.

"No, it's nothing… it's just…. easier said than done!"

Meredith watched her waiting for the continuation or elaboration or whatever.

"I mean what if he… what if he doesn't want to… What if it doesn't work… What the hell is going on with me… I can't… of course I can't!"

"Sam. It's up to you. But for the record, you're an Air Force Colonel. You can do anything. The question is do you want to? Or are you gonna waste the rest of your life in fear and hiding?"

She said before she turned away to leave the room.

Sam was lost in thoughts for a second but she called out to Meredith before she was completely out of the room.

"Meredith?"

"Yes?"

"It's.. worth it." it was a statement not a question.

'It was definitely worth it. A touch would be worth it. A single second like the one she had yesterday while he was asleep was worth it. A hug would be worth it. A smile, a look, a… oh a kiss… a kiss would definitely be worth everything and anything in the world. She'd give anything for that kiss. And for what was beyond that… for babies and intimacy… she'd move mountains….' she could feel the heat rise up within her at the thought of her body touching with his on a more intimate level than any of them would have even imagined. 'Oh it is more than worth it! Meredith's right. Regulations, stop no one. And for this… for him, I'd quit my job. If he wants me I'd do it in a second, without blinking. If only I knew for sure….. But I'll ask him. Once and for all. I need to get it over with. I need to know. I need to…. I'll ask him!'

Meredith lingered inside Sam's room, watching as the radiant Colonel, silently convinced herself to open up to her feelings and confront the man she loved. She watched as the moment Sam had finally determined that she'd do it without turning back. She watched as Sam decided on her grand gesture: Meredith's was the house with candles and Sam's was simpler but definitely just as profound if not more: she'd simply uncover her heart and reveal it's secrets. Her mission was almost accomplished. Soon she'd see a happily ever after of her doing unfold in front of her.


	14. Confrontations

14. Confrontations

SAM'S ROOM

"Meredith." Derek addressed her wife, signaling her to give the two their space. He'd succeeded at his job. "Derek." she nodded as she followed him out of the room. She'd succeeded too.

"Carter!" Jack called out to Sam as soon as he'd returned to her room. And the very same instant he did she also called out to him: "Sir!"

"Sir, I…." "Carter, I…" both of them started to talk to each other as soon the doctor couple had left the room.

"You go first." they both spoke at the same time.

"No, Carter…" "No, sir…." again speaking in the same mouth.

"Fine…" "Fine…" they both smiled at talking at each other like that.

They both paused for a second giving the other a chance to talk but when the other didn't they both started again, at the same time. And here's what came out before the two of them could stop again to settle who'd go first in this conversation. But they didn't know yet that it would already be settled.

"To hell with the regulation!" that was the common sentiment from both sides before they both stopped dead in their track, with wide open eyes and mouths, a sparkle radiating from behind the eye and a smile forming on the still widely opened mouth.

"I…" Sam started not knowing what to say… For the first time in a long time she felt like the shy girl who didn't know what to do and who wanted to guy to take the lead. Only he could make her feel that way.

"Carter…. me too." he said with a smile before he put his hand on her cheek and gently moved her face closer to his so that their lips could finally touch.

The first contact was electric. And though neither of them thought it was possible, more so than the stolen touches they'd both experienced last night. It was… something else.

And the fact that it was conscious and mutually agreed upon from both sides, just made it more….. magical.

After what seemed like ages, they pulled away for air.

"So?" Jack asked

"So?" Sam replied with the same question. She was definitely out of her league. And he was still her CO so… the first…. second move actually was definitely up to him.

"You finally gonna call me Jack? Carter?"

"Depends."

He raised a surprised eyebrow and she just smiled at him "Carter?"

"You finally gonna call me Sam, sir?" she emphasized the sir just to tease him

"No Samantha…. I'm not gonna. To me you're only gonna be Carter. And on special occasions like this one you're gonna be Samantha, but not Sam. Sam's for… everyone else." he tempted her while moving his face closer to hers that he was almost speaking to her mouth.

"Special occasion Jack?"

"Samantha… I love you…." he finally announced without changing his position "Always have… always will…. But I'm just now done trying to hide it…"

She couldn't believe her ears. He could see the tears starting to run down her face. And for the first time she didn't try to hide them, to wash them away, to turn away from him. She just held her eyes with his and let the emotions inside her travel on to him.

"Jack.. I… I… me too… I love you… I love you so much it hurts…" she let out between breaths. She was breathless. But this time not from an aneurysm, not from being hurt but from being in love….. She threw herself in his arms and he held onto her. He'd never let her go. Ever.

"I'm never gonna leave you… come what may… We'll face it together." he whispered into her ears.

"We will. And I'll retire and…."

"No one's gonna retire, Carter. Especially not you. I'm gonna have a chat with the president and if it doesn't go as planed… well we'll jump off that bridge when we come to it… The point is, we'll be together no matter what."

"Screw the regs." she stated again to make it clear to herself that they'd both crossed that imaginary line they'd been walking for so long. And it felt sooo good.

"I second that!" he smiled into her neck and he could feel her smile against his shoulder.

It was pure happiness.

….

ON CALL ROOM

Derek was putting on his t-shirt, while Meredith fastened her bra and looked around for her top.

"Well, this time we did it! I know for sure…" Derek announced happily.

"We sure did, dad!" Meredith smiled while kissing his lips without stopping getting dressed.

"So you feel the young guy kicking, yet?" he asked adjusting his hair.

"Not just yet. But… I'm hopeful."

"Oh just wait and see. He'll be everything like his mother."

"First of all why do we have to assume it's gonna be a he, second of all it's got to have its dad's looks and mac-ness"

"Mac-ness?"

"MacBaby, has to have Mac-ness. I mean it's our MacBaby…"

"Well MacHottie…." he started but noticed the teasing frown on his wives face "Already taken? Who's MacHottie?"

She just looked at him secretively. He knew he wasn't getting and answer. "You and your Mac… naming." he just shook his head mockingly…

"So Mac…. I don't know… MacWhatever… boy or girl.. I don't care… as long as it's OUR MacBaby… I love it…."

"I love you… MacDreamy" Meredith spoke into Derek's ears before stating to kiss him again.

….

SAM'S ROOM

After being lost in snuggles and conversation and nothing other than dreamily smiling at each other, like stoned people, they finally came to.

"Sir?"

"Carter?" he warned.

"I mean… Jack… what's going on in the SGC? I mean you told me…."

"They're under full lockdown, Carter."

"What? Why didn't you tell me…." she started to sit up a bit.

"Carter… The president said there's nothing for us to do for the time being. He's gonna keep us apprised."

"But Jack… I can't just sit…."

"I know… me too. But for now, there's nothing else for us to do."

She nodded in agreement but she still didn't like it. And she knew he didn't either.

"So why?"

"Because… there's a situation similar to the one we had when the entity came back with us from PX-whatever."

"Entity?"

"They're not entirely sure about the details. But word is a similar creature came back through the stargate and they're taking extreme precautions."

"How?"

"It's in… Vala.."

"What? Oh my god!"

"I'm sorry, Carter. I know you wanna help. I didn't want to tell you so you don't get worried. But…"

"Sir… we need to get back to Colorado. Even if they're under quarantine we need to be near just in case…."

"I agree Carter. I agree. Just as soon as the docs clear you." he hugged her closer to his body to comfort her.

"S… Jack… you think they're gonna be ok?"

"I do… I really… do. Because everything is just starting to work out the way it was supposed to and… no god will ever take this away from us again. And there's karma, finally. So… they're gonna be fine. Everything's gonna be fine."

"We're gonna be fine?" she asked not so much because she didn't know the answer but because she needed to hear it.

"We sure are, Samantha. We sure are."

"Promise?"

"Cross my heart." he teased but his eyes told her that he sincerely meant it. Every last word.

It was all going to be fine.


	15. Goodbyes

Well this is the final chapter…. haha… finally… but read till the end for a tiny surprise… for the ride is not necessarily over, yet. It's up to you….

* * *

15. Goodbyes

SAM'S ROOM

"So, the president just called. Apparently the situation in the SGC was miraculously resolved and the Odyssey will shorty be in range to beam us from around the corner to get back home."

"Miraculously?"

"Yep! That's what he said. And apparently that's what Hank told him. You know how he can be that old…. Well miraculously…"

"Well I can't wait to find out what exactly "miraculously" was?" she laughed "So you gonna call Daniel, check on Vala, tell'em we're coming?"

"I thought as it's only gonna be about fifteen minutes till we get there we could check on them in person?"

"Right! I'd forgotten how smart you can sometimes be!" she joked… she was enjoying the freedom of getting to talk to him like that… she wasn't quite used to it though.

"Aw.. someone's enjoying the perks of having a ranking officer as a boyfriend." he grinned.

"Boyfriend?" she asked…. Were they already calling each other that? It's not that she minded, cause she most certainly didn't but… was he really… he considered them in a relationship… Wow.

"Ain't that what we are? Because come on Carter, we're certainly not gonna start the 'getting to know each other slowly' part, are we?"

"Definitely not! I mean… Wow… I'm just… happy… I didn't think you'd…"

"Carter… for all intents and purposes we've been together for ten years though we weren't exactly together. It's a s simple as that! God and to think you're the genius!" he mockingly exclaimed. He was acting as confident as possible but deep down he was burning in worry that she'd think he was moving too fast. Or that she wouldn't be ready yet. Or that she'd be having second thoughts, or…. but before he could continue second guessing himself, she did something that hunted all his fears away.

She leaned over and kissed him. SHE kissed HIM. It was deep and tender and lasted only long enough to get her point over.

"I love you Jack….. and I'd… I'd do anything for you. We've been together for ten years!" she repeated his words, to show him that she really considered them that way too.

"Ahem…. Sorry to interrupt." Derek coughed as he and Meredith entered the room.

Sam and Jack blushed as they moved a little further away from each other but not too much…

" So I came to let you know, that everything checks out fine and that you're free to go!" Derek announced happily.

"Thanks doc…" Sam beamed.

"You sure everything is fine, Derek?" Jack double checked.

"Her brain is aneurysm-free and she passed the neuro exam with flying colors…" Derek assured him.

"You'll just need to sign here, while I prepare the rest of your discharge papers." Meredith handed them the papers, unable to keep herself from laughing happily.

"We'll leave you to get ready but we'll be back to see you off." Derek said before he and his wife left the room.

"Doc?" Jack stopped him.

Derek turned around to find Jack looking him deeply in the eyes. He was grateful. No thank yous or words could ever have conveyed the gratitude in Jack's eyes. And then he turned to look at Meredith, the same way.

"Thank you!" Sam spoke softly after they'd both looked away from Jack. And they could both see a small tear of happiness and gratitude sparkling in Sam's eyes. "For everything!"

Derek just moved closer and squeezed her hand, patted Jack on the shoulder and left.

Meredith also squeezed Jack's hand tightly before leaning over Sam and whispering "The best is yet to come, trust me!" in her ears.

…

HOSPITAL EXIT

Meredith and Derek were seeing the newly found couple off.

Little did they know that that same couple was looking up at them but a few days ago. A few days ago they were the heros, the role-models for this young couple. And today they were the reason they were a couple in the first place.

"Come down to see us when you're in Seattle."

"And you call us up when in Minnesota or Colorado, we can go fishing!"

"Will sure do!" the two guys exchanged as they shook each other's hands. It was the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

"Take care!" Meredith addressed Sam.

"Will do. And good luck with the baby… you'll get what you want… people always do…"

"I know… and so will you…." she said before she turned to face both of them " Good luck!"

"Yeah… you too." Jack said to his dream couple.

"Bye…" Sam said.

"See ya around!" Jack took Sam's hand in his as they started to walk away from the hospital.

"See you!" Meredith and Derek called after them.

…

AROUND THE CORNER OF THE HOSPITAL

"So, Carter? Ready to go?"

"Yes. Yes, sir!"

"Carter?"

"Jack. We're going back to the base. And till we've gotten the excuse or dealt with it we… we are breaking the rules…"

"Actually… about that…"

She raised a questioning eyebrow.

"I was gonna wait, but if you insist.. While I was talking to the president, I might had mentioned something about wanting to retire after all this dilemma was over and…"

"Oh my god Jack… I thought we…." she burst out but he just held a finger in front of her mouth to stop her before he continued.

"… when he asked why I told him the reason and he, oh so fleetingly noted, that for this country's and planets foremost "heroes" the regs could easily be bent. 'Retire. Hah! Jack, all you had to do was ask.' were his exact words" the triumphant smirk on his face grew proportionally to the look of pure awe and happiness on Sam's face…

"You mean…"

"We could have saved ourselves many years of dancing around…." he teased.

"Jack I mean…." she looked at him. Deeply and sincerely.

"Yes, Samantha. I mean… we can be together. According to the rules and to everyone else in the universe: Samantha Carter, you are my girlfriend. And if I can help it soon, very soon, you'll be Samantha Carter-O'Neill." he beamed at her and to his relief he found a beam and smile even brighter than his plastered on her face.

"I'd love that! I'd love that very much!" she hugged him.

And at this second he couldn't help but feel like the luckiest man alive. In this universe and every other one out there, for that matter.

He was even luckier than Derek Shepherd. For even if Derek had the perfect wife. And even if the Shepherd's were the perfect couple.

He and Sam were definitely the most extraordinary one out there, and he wouldn't have it any other way.

"And to think I have doctors to thank for this!" he broke the moment like he always did.

"Who'd have thunk!" Sam chuckled while burying her head in his chest.

Then the bright light of the Asgard beam engulfed them, to beam them aboard their fancy ride home.

***Meredith and Derek had changed Jack and Sam's lives!***

Because Meredith and Derek saw that the lives they'd been leading as doctors- surgeons- weren't really that different from the ones their fellow airmen had. And lucky for Jack and Sam, the doctors were one step ahead of them, so they showed them the way.

They showed them that working at a hospital wasn't really that different form working around a Stargate. IF you look at the big picture: the really big picture, Apples and Oranges are just the same: they're round fruit!

* * *

I know the wrap up came quickly.. I had more planned for this story but as I was writing this chapter I felt like this could be a good end for the story. So I'll either leave it at that or I'll take a break and then continue the story the way I had intended. So you decide. Originally I was gonna leave you with a big honking cliffhanger right there but decided to show some mercy hehe… I decided to leave the thrilling part for the beginning of the sequel (if there's a sequel)… so think of this as a calm and happy mid-season finale. The calm before the storm. But I should warn you that the mid-season break will probably be a long one hehe like we're used to from our sci-fi series hehe as I have more than a lot to do for uni right now and am currently working on another story that can't leave me be hehe…

But for now: hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it, hopefully even more if that's possible!

Sorry for any mistakes and inaccuracies. Sorry for any OOC parts. Sorry for anything that might have unsettled you!

And of course I own nothing but the idea for my story… unfortunately but who knows a girl can dream ;)

Thanks for all the support, reviews, PMs, alerts and favorites… it really means a lot to me.. Hope I could make you feel some of the happiness you left me with… And hope you hang on with me for another ride…. Let me know wether you want it or not hehe….

So see ya! =D


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